I Saw Her
by EdWarded
Summary: I saw her sitting in the crowd. She had her knees pulled into her. I was surprised a girl I had just met could twist my feelings like this, and a human at that.My legs ached as they fought me to run and embrace her in my arms and tell her she was safe.ExB
1. Preface

I saw her sitting in the middle of the crowd. The world was rushing past her as though she was timeless. She had her knees pulled into herself in an attempt to be unseen, but she stood out. Looking weak and fragile she wore a face of sadness. She was beautiful yet so hidden in her anguish it broke my heart.

I was surprised a girl I had never met could twist my feelings in ways I had never felt, and a human at that. My world seemingly stopped the moment I laid eyes upon her. I had an urge to panic at these unknown emotions that burned into me but I was enjoying the flame that blazed within my hollow chest. I felt whole as it warmed my icy body.

My legs ached as they fought me to run and embrace her in my arms and tell her she was safe and protected. My arms twitched in anticipation of her warm pleading body. I had my eyes glued to her unblinking and unable to rip my stare from her.

Mind screaming at me to know why her eyes held such despondency I was dragged into a spiral of confusion. How could an angel feel so? How could such a beautiful girl feel unloved? Why was I holding myself back? I shook my head to try to clear it but to no avail. She filled my jumbled thoughts.

My angel stood then her long hair like a veil hiding her glorious face. She walked swiftly from me into the passing crowd. And it was like she took my heart with her beckoning me to go with her but I stood strong. All I could do is watch empty at the group of people that she had been lost in.

I wished with my entire being that I would be able to she that angel again and stood like a statue as the world swirled around me.


	2. Chapter 1

_Hello everyone! People insisted that I write this as a real story but at the time I was clueless but … I finally got an idea for my story I hope you like it._

Chapter One

I opened the folded paper slowly. The paper crinkled as I read:

______________________________________________________

_Dear The One You Will Never Notice,_

_That is a really long name! See I have a crush on this girl but I don't know if she likes me back. I know she knows I am there. Help me out._

_-Never a response _

_______________________________________________________

I sighed at the letter. I already knew who it was. Ben. He was asking about Angela who just a few days before wrote asking about him. I quickly wrote back.

______________________________________________________

_Dear Never a response,_

_Yes I am sure she knows you are there. But get this, 99.9% of girls are learning from movies that the boy is not interested unless he asks her out. Here is the problem you will never get a chance with the girl you love unless you ask her._

_-The One You Will Never Notice_

It was the last letter of the night. I sighed in relief. Ever since I had agreed to go along with this advice letter system I had gotten a lot of letters from people I knew. I really knew most people in Forks High School very well an even more now with these letters.

Of course no one knew it was I being TOYWNN. Every one talked about who they called toy-win as a joke but a few days later it started to pick up and no one downed it when they were using it. I also write as a 'celebrity guest' for the school's newspaper, which I should be doing now. It was called the truth. Little depressing clips I came up with.

I picked up a pencil to start writing:

_The Truth_

_Why do people search for the light?_

_Do they seek the warmth, or the glow?_

_I will never search for the light, for within every candle there it a fire that burns our souls to ashes._

_Within every candle there are the shadows made by that light._

_So why do people search for the light?_

_For the pretence of good in their dark lives._

I was just finishing as Charlie opened my door. "Bells? It is getting kind of late." Charlie eyed me curiously. He didn't know I was Toy-win either. I couldn't tell him. He gossips like an old lady.

"Sorry, Dad. Just finishing homework." I gestured to the pad of paper in front of me as if it were obvious. Charlie grunted in embarrassment and mumbled a quick goodnight.

I quickly finished with the small paragraph I was writing and rushed into the bathroom. When I got in there I stopped. There was a girl looking back at me in the mirror. She looked lost and scared. Her hair a black veil concealed her pale face and blue eyes. Her figure so small and frail and I looked with sadness at myself.

I didn't have one friend at school. I don't even think people know my name. No one cared to ask. I got pushed around but no one seemed to care that they knocked me down to the floor. It was like I was a ghost invisible to the eye. I was just the clumsy unnoticeable Bella Swan. Hint the name for the paper.

I sighed disconsolate and turned to get in the shower. The steaming water was never enough to loosen my nerves and I had found nothing yet that had. I washed my thigh length hair with my favorite strawberry shampoo. After standing in the shower for a while the water started to turn icy but I didn't move till the ice made my body numb. I moved my hand painfully stiff to shut off the water. My whole body ached but I had no right to care or complain. I slipped into a large white t-shirt and blue-stripped p-jay pants.

I was quiet as I walked to my room and shut the door knowing Charlie was sleeping by the loud snores illuminating from his door. Though my plans were lost when I caught my toe on the edge of the door falling with a loud thud to the floor. My hands stopped me from hitting my face and I immediately went still barely daring to breath as I listened to Charlie's reaction. I sighed in relief, as all I heard was his snores sputtering. I picked myself off the floor wincing in as I felt bruises on the heels of my hands.

"Great," I muttered under my breath, "just what I need." I crawled lousily into bed wishing for an impossible sleep before the same old routine of my lifeless life. Why couldn't anything new happen in Forks?

Little did I know, someone life changing, was on it's way to Forks.

_So like it? I would like to know. And I promise the next chapter will be longer._

_EdWarded_


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

I awoke the next morning the familiar sound of rain across my window's surface. I dragged myself out of the warm inviting bed. I slipped on a pair of black slacks and a blue sweater covered by a plain black jacket. I rushed down stairs to fix breakfast only to find Charlie was already gone. I decided to skip eating entirely.

I brought my big faded red truck to life and it grumbled in protest as I trudged it down the road almost blocking out the sound of pelting rain. There was a shadow that played around the sun so well hidden behind black clouds. That misty shadow fogged across the ground making it hard to see the world around me. It was encaging and it felt like I was where I belonged. Trapped away and isolated from the world around me.

I arrived at the school right on time and noticed a buzz of excitement. What was going on? The only thing that could be happening this time of year would be a craft fair but the school was never this riled up before. I looked to the school bulletin board. Nothing. I hurried to my class confused. That's when I heard the talk.

"Oh-my-_GOD_!" I heard a girl named Jessica practically yell at the top of her lungs. "Have you heard?" Jessica asked not waiting for a response. "There are, like, new kids coming _to-day_!" She said causing the girls around her squealed in excitement. "And as a plus I heard they are like _super_ hot, but like all together." Jessica huffed in what I guessed to be disgust. "And they all like live together too." I had to admit it was weird, I heard that it was normal for kids to live together once in high school and eighteen. "They all are like adopted by this guy and his wife and the only one with out a match is Edwin." Jessica flailed her hands in what she probably thought brought drama but if I had not known better would have called the nurse for seizures.

"So like wait." Lauren interrupted. "They are coming here today?" Her voice was perky and snotty.

"Yeah!" Jessica said seeming proud to have all the info and attention which class was in on it now. But at this point I was tuned out. They deserved better than the gossip. The teacher was hardly able to quiet the room to tell us of the short stories we would have for homework before the bell rang. All my classes were like this all the way up to lunch were I would see the reason behind all the excitement.

I walked trying to avoid the hits of all the rushing bodies in the hall. The halls were even louder with the new wave of excitement. I let my long sheet like hair fall in front of my face for cover.

When I had entered the lunchroom I saw that all the tables were taken. I sighed and looked to the window and there was an ounce of goodness there. Though the world was still covered in fog, rain was not falling from the sky. I walked swiftly to the door and walked out into the cold. I breathed in the smell of the cold and sat on one of the soggy wooden benches pulling my legs to my chest my hair falling over the bench. I then heard voices low and fast coming closer. I turned my head resting on my knees to see a group of four beautiful kids coming to sit at one of the wooden tables. They sat at the table on next to me. I hid my face in my knees tearing my curious eyes from them. I was sure they had too many stares already. I heard the door open and the model like blonde say, "Oh, great. Here they come."

"Hi there I'm Jessica." I peeked up to see Jessica and a group of people with their trays standing close to the new kids. "Can we eat out here with you guys?" Jessica asked. They just nodded mutely. Jessica, Lauren, Mike, and Eric sat at the table with the new kids and Angela and Tyler sat on the other side of my table. "So you are the Cullens, huh?"

"Yep! I'm Alice. This is Jasper." Alice moved a short arm to the boy next to her and he gave a small nod. "And that is Rosalie and Emmett." She pointed across the table and I noticed how big Emmett was. I coiled myself tighter thinking about how if he wanted to he could smash me with his _finger_. Mike thinking the same thing slid a little away from him. I saw Emmett smile and turn his head. Jessica then asked them endless questions for about seven minutes before the Cullens shied away. "Sorry but we don't want to be late to class." Alice said making it clear it was not an open invitation. Once they left so did Jessica and the gang. Jessica seeming unhappy about them not gushing at her feet was stomping away.

I sighed in relief. No one had noticed me. I started to rain. I unfolded myself and grabbed my binder ignoring the throbbing in my arm from tight pose. I walked into the cafeteria and saw a clear bench in the hall. I pulled myself onto the bench my knees at my chest. I sat there lost in thought till I noticed I had zoned and slipped into the crowd. I ducked through the bodies and backpacks. And was almost to my class when I was suddenly slammed into the blue metal lockers causing me to gasp in pain and slide down to the floor. I looked up and saw just moving bodies not giving me a second glance.

"Are you alright?" I heard a velvet voice ask. I turned toward him keeping hidden behind my hair. I gaped. _He was gorgeous_! His copper hair fell in front of his golden eyes and a hand was stretched towards me as he bent his knees bringing him closer to me. He looked like an angel. Maybe he was. I just nodded looking down mutely. How had he seen me?

I got up on my own wincing as I felt a bruise form on my arm. "T-thank…y-you." I choked out. It was the first time I had ever really spoken to someone my age in what felt like years.

"Did you hurt your arm?" He seemed concerned for some reason I couldn't understand.

"I'm f-fine." I whispered. I saw him about to argue but he let it drop.

"What is your next class?" He asked me suddenly. I looked into his eyes and blurted out that I had Biology with Mr. Banner. "That's my class too. I'll walk with you." He grabbed my stuff before I could reject and I didn't have the guts to. "My name is Edward Cullen. What is yours?" Edward asked me sweetly speaking low and careful to me as if I would run off. Which I did feel was my best option, but I was also drawn to Edward.

"B-Bella Swan." I stuttered internally kicking myself for not being able to control my shaking voice. Edward smiled at me, though.

"Bella, your name fits you." Edward so carefully and slowly pulled back my hair and looked at me. He was the first who I felt saw me and it felt as if my heart had been freed from the chains that I had thrown over it to shield my heart fall off at this one glance. I looked up to Edward's eyes and they were filled with an emotion I had never seen mixed in with confusion. Edward opened his mouth and- suddenly the warning bell rang. "We should get to class." Edward spoke voice ruff. I looked to the floor. What was this fiery feeling?

Edward walked me to my desk and set my stuff down. "Thanks." I said and Edward's only response was a beautiful crooked smile. The bell rang then causing a flood at the door and Edward to rip his eyes from me so he could walk to the front of the room to greet the teacher.

Mr. Banner was shocked by Edward's glorious appearance, though he tried not to show it. He quickly signed the paper and told Edward to introduce himself. Before Edward started Mr. Banner quieted the class. "Alright, everyone! We have a new student today." In that few seconds of that sentence everyone stared with wide eyes at Edward in front of the room.

"Hello." Edward said in his velvet voice causing many people to let their jaws drop. "I'm Edward Cullen. I just moved here from Alaska with my family. I am adopted and will now be attending school with you this year. Please take care of me." Edward asked formally and I was surprised girls weren't squealing but maybe they were in shock. He seemed to take _everyone's_ breath away and not just mine. Edward was then told to take the only open seat, which happened to be at _my_ table. Maybe I did have some luck.

Edward sat down quickly yet so gracefully in the plastic blue chair that was normally empty and lifeless. A swell filled my heart and I told myself he just didn't have anywhere else to sit. But that does not mean I could stop myself from having that trace of hope. It was very hard to concentrate on the teacher when Edward was sitting just a seat away from me. I felt like a preppy girl swooning over a jock and I loathed myself for it. I was relieved when the bell rang. I was about to gather myself when I heard Edward speak.

"Bella?" Edward asked me softly his head ducking to look down at my crouched figure causing his hair to spill into his liquid topaz eyes. I looked up eager but confused about why he was talking to me. "What hour do you have held for next?" Edward questioned sounding like he came from a different time.

"Gym in building six," I replied so quietly it was almost a whisper. Edward's face fell slightly. "I'm sorry." I said quickly repentant.

"For what?" Edward smiled looking confused but chuckled.

"Making you unhappy." I looked down sadly. It physically hurt me to know I made his unhappy.

"Bella," Edward whispered and when I didn't look up he lifted my chin softly with is cold fingers. His touch was electrifying. "_You_ didn't make me unhappy. The fact we have different classes and less time to talk makes me unhappy." Edward's words made me soar. But who was to say he didn't say that to every girl? Well at least he knew I existed. Edward laughed gently as my face grew hot. "We need to get to class."

Edward walked close to me in the hall protecting me from all the almost fatal collisions with other people. And I _felt_ protected. My mind was so jumbled. Why had Edward looked twice? Why did he even care about me? I longed to know what he saw when he looked into me.

"Bella?" Edward called me back from my rollercoaster mind. I looked up at him only to have rain fall on my face. I blinked rapidly against the droplets till they suddenly stopped. I opened my eyes in surprise. Edward stood over me blocking the icy rain the rain dipping from his glorious hair. "Your class?" Edward gestured to my door and I blushed.

"Thanks. I got l-lost." I pointed slowly to my head and Edward laughed seeming to understand. Then so swiftly he ran the back of his hand across the side of my face leaving a fiery trail.

"I wonder what you think about." Edward's face held bemusement. His eyes lost in mine and I in his. Edward broke it first and once I was released I stared at the familiar floor. "Goodbye, Bella." Edward whispered before turning and leaving quickly.

I rushed quickly through the gym's doors flustered. My face felt as if it could heat the room. I changed quickly into my small shorts and t-shirt that held our school logo on them. I had always hated gym but at least they never asked anything of me.

We were just running today. And I think I was the only one happy with that. I loved the feeling it brought. It felt as though in those moments you could just run and leave the world behind you. It was peaceful yet tiring. The coach stopped us a few minutes before the bell so we could change. I changed in no hurry, slowly peeling the sticky clothes from my body. The bell rang for school to be out just as I was walking out of the girl's dressing room.

Like I did everyday I went to the box where letters written to Toy-win were collected. It was a cardboard box covered in thin bright colored paper with Toy-win scribbled on top. I lifted the box with care and headed to the door.

I stepped out into the cloudy day. I lifted my face to the cold crying sky to see the raindrops come as if out of thin air. I tried to imagine the sky bright and blue but failed. Sighing I walked to my big red truck and unlocked the door. The door squeaked and whined in protest. It was slick on the roads like everyday.

When I arrived home I briskly finished my homework. It wasn't hard but time consuming. I decided to make dinner before opening the letters for Toy-win. I looked in the fridge and determined that some fish would do since we had so much from Charlie's little fishing trips. Sometimes I wish he could not fish at all. I put the fish in the pan and cooked some green beans and potatoes. Charlie came home then.

"Hey, Bells!" He greeted me stepping on the back of his boots to take them off and hanging his belt. "It smells good." Charlie complemented snooping into the kitchen to see what I was making. He smiled telling me he was pleased with my choice.

"Thanks." I muttered embarrassed. Charlie patted me on the head before walking into the living room. I let my thoughts drift and they brought me Edward. I thought about his beautiful golden eyes and his sweet gentle voice. Just the thought of him was driving me crazy. The sizzling of the fish brought me back to reality and I moved it off the burner swiftly causing some burning oil to splash my hand. 'Ow!"

"You alright, Bells?" Charlie called concerned from the couch.

"Yeah. It's done." I told him. I heard him grunt as he pushed himself up off the couch and practically run to the table. I giggled. "Did you forget to eat your lunch, again?" Charlie mumbled and looked down and I took that for a yes. I set Charlie's plate on the table and he didn't hesitate. I joined him. We ate in silence but we both liked it that way. There was nothing to be said and we did not force it. It was comfortable. When we were done I placed the dishes in the sink and was about to start cleaning but Charlie intervened.

"You do enough. Let me get this, Bella." I was going to argue but then I thought of the stacks of letters waiting for my reply. I sighed and nodded walking out of the room and grabbing my stuff before heading up the stairs to my room. I placed my things on the bed and changed into a camisole and some Pooh-Bear boxers. I pulled my hair into a ponytail and began to answer the letters.

I was on the last one, finally. I opened the envelope to reveal a perfectly folded piece of notebook paper. There was something about this paper that drew me to it. I lifted the top from the bottom slowly. Inside was a beautiful font; I could imagine long elegant fingers pushing a pen across the paper forming beautiful letters. I slowly read taking in every mark.

______________________________________________________

_Dear The One You Will Never Notice,_

_Are you well? It saddens me to think you are not noticed. Do you think that you are not noticed? Please, if you are lonely try to reach for something. It may be small but any goal you are able to strive for and win will show you who you can really be._

_Sorry I know I am supposed to write about my own problems but I wanted to speak to you. Would you please tell me a little about you? _

_Sincerely, _

_The One Who Cares _

Tears formed in my eyes. It was stupid that I would feel like this after someone I had never met wrote me a letter for me. But I couldn't help it. This was the kindest thing someone had ever done for me. I took out my own paper and picked up my own pen. As I wrote my hand shook with my emotion.

______________________________________________________

_Dear The One Who Cares,_

_I am unnoticed. I do not mean to sound bitter but to state the truth. I hurt sometimes but I am used to it and I have my imagination. So you need not worry about me. I am a girl trying to get through life. Right now my goal in life is to be invisible and I am quite good at it. Thank you, though. You are the first who cared. _

_Sincerely,_

_The One You Will Never Notice_

I folded the paper as if it held my heart and if I made one false move it would shatter. I placed it gently in the envelope and tucked the flap under the lip. I placed it against my heart then put in onto of the box. I set all my things on the floor at the end of my bed. With one last deep breath I flipped the switch turning the lights off. This night instead of the feeling of being in darkness I felt the comfort of night.

_So I made this chapter longer but I will not post or work tomorrow for it is my birthday, yes New Years Eve. It would be great to have some reviews please. _


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

This morning I awoke up early. Twisting in my covers I looked at the clock. It was only six. I sighed and waited till my vision adjusted to get out of bed. I shivered as my feet hit the cool floor. My bed creaked as I lifted myself off of it and walked till my foot hit something on my floor. I looked down confused to see that my foot had knocked off the lid on my letterbox. I bent down to replace it when the loving letter caught my eye. I felt my heart tighten. I dragged my fingers across the brisk paper and smiled as I put the lid back on and stood up.

My mood was bright as I tapped down the stairs. It was dark throughout the house. I skipped to the stove and switched on the stove light. The light shown yellow through the small kitchen and turned the black shadows to gray. I peeked in the fridge to find nothing to make for breakfast. Oh well pop tarts or cereal. I reached in to grab the milk. Once I had poured my bowl I sat down at the small wooden dining room table.

It was quiet. No other sounds but my spoon clacking against the bowl. My mind started to wonder and brought me to thoughts of Edward. My mind swirled with the thought of his golden eyes. He was the most glorious person I had ever met so why had he seen me? I was still Bella Swan. I was nonexistent. I looped around my questions but could see no enlightenment. I sighed pushing back from the table. I cleaned my mess up and poured me a quick glass of milk to take with me to my room. I walked up the stairs in no rush taking each step carefully and holding the cool glass of milk tightly in my hand in fear of dropping it.

When I got to my room I decided I could use a good shower. I walked over to my closet and sorted through my clothing to grab a blue turtleneck sweater and blue jeans. I walked lightly to the door closing it softly behind me and entered the bathroom. The shower could not be rushed. Steaming water caressed my skin warming my muscles for the day ahead of me. When I stepped out I quickly wrapped myself into a towel before positioning myself in my clothes. I brushed my strait long hair till no tangles remained and cleaned my teeth. After I was done I went back into my room.

Surprisingly I was able to make it to my room quietly and shut the door without meeting the face first with the floor. I ran and jumped on to my springy bed and lay sprawled upon the twisted covers. I lifted my head to see the glowing green letters that shown from my alarm clock. I was only 6:32. Groaning I turned over. What was I to do now? I strained my neck to see what was to do around my room. My eye caught a pile of books on top of my desk in the corner of the room. Heaving myself off my bed I went to sort through the books. I came across one of my favorites and lifted it from the desk. I jumped onto my bed making the springs sound. Flipping through the pages aimlessly I found I couldn't concentrate on any of the once beautiful words on the page. Only two things held my thoughts, Edward and the letter.

"Arg!" I swiftly turned over to look at the clock. It has only been ten minutes. That was when I heard the sputtering snores come to a stop and the creaking of movements. Charlie was up. I dived from my bed and threw myself to Charlie's room. "Morning, Dad!" I smiled at him. He looked at me with surprise that quickly turned to a smile.

"Morning you seem to be in a good mood today." Charlie noted and I just nodded in agreement.

I left Charlie so he could get ready and went to prepare his lunch for today. I put some of last night's leftovers in a bag for him keeping it simple and not really feeling like going out of the way for his lunch that he might forget again. I put the little plastic bag under the belt Charlie takes to work in hope he might not forget it here. As I leaned back up I heard Charlie's thumping from the stairs.

"Hey Bells have you made my lunch- oh" Charlie began till he saw me setting it down. "Thanks." He mumbled.

"No problems just remember it this time." I smiled at him. He just sputtered and nodded going to the kitchen.

The air was, as usual, cool and damp but it had not begun its rainfall yet. I breathed in the air and cradled my box that held my letter. It brought me such joy and it hurt to let it go. I let a tear race across my cheek just as the rain came down as if it was connected to my simple tear. I rushed to the comfortable and warm interior of my truck. It was just a normal morning but the world seem more real and inviting to me. As if hands had emerged from that small envelope and forced the world's doors to leak some light, leaving the rest for me to struggle open. They gave me a chance.

I was strangely anxious to get to school and see Edward. I mean I was sure that he didn't even remember my name. He was just being nice. That's all. I was trying to convince myself but my other side made me hope I was something more to him. But I was sure I wasn't the only one wishing. Every girls dream right now is to be in his arms. I thought of his arms and how his lean muscles would move as he wrapped around me. I was lost to far in my thoughts as I felt my truck start to rattle under me. I gasped back to reality driving back to the center of the road. Ah! Even thinking of him is dangerous.

Today people were still buzzing with excitement with our new super model classmates. And I surprised myself with actually listening eagerly. I was drawn to ever little thing I could gather about Edward and his family. My mind was also on the letter I had returned to the table for Toy-win. I was nervous for a reply.

When lunch came today I walked strait outside not caring if there was rain or not. I knew the lunch would be crowded with people's gossip that I was sure I had already heard. Word travel very fast in small towns.

When I stepped out I saw Edward sitting with his family. I threw my gaze at the floor and went to the to the table over on the farthest bench from them. I let my hair fall over my shoulder to conceal my face and once again pulled my knees into my chest hoping to become invisible but my plan failed. I could hear their rushed low voices but couldn't make them out into words. And before I knew it a girl stood before me.

"Hi! I'm Alice. You must be Bella. Edward was talking about you. So you're his partner in Biology, huh?" Alice said so fast it was hard for me to catch. Alice smiled down at me and I nodded blushing and looked down again. Edward spoke of me?

"Alice, Please. You are scaring her." Edward's alluring voice called from right behind her. He turned to me. "Hello, Bella. I'm very sorry for my sister's actions." Edward spoke sincerely. I smiled shyly at him and he held out his hand. I stared at it as if it was from a different world. "Join me for lunch?" Edward seemed hopeful and a little scared. Every nerve in my body reached for him and I slowly lifted my hand to his our eyes locked. Edward's eyes were filled with intensity as my hand finally touched. His hand was cold and sent that same thrill from before through me. We sat like that hand in hand lost in each other's eyes.

"Great!" Alice said bring us both back to reality. She seemed somewhat smug as she looked at Edward. I saw him roll his eyes. They all moved around till I was wedged between Alice and Edward. I felt frail and shy sitting with people. It was something I never remember doing with either sides willing. But I felt wanted for the first time in a long time. Emmett made jokes, and they helped me by asking little questions and making small talk. I was surprised by how many times I caught myself smiling.

"The bell will ring soon." Jasper informed us.

"Oh!" I gasped trying to find all the time that had run by. They all laughed at me causing me to turn red.

"Bella, let's walk to class together." Edward suggested kindly and I shook my head eagerly. Maybe I was lucky after all.

_**Ok sorry guy I didn't mean to take so long but I had a major writers block. And I think it is deadly. **_

_**Sorry but I would like some reviews. **_


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

I got into my silver Volvo wishing that I could take a nicer and faster car but this would have to do. Sighing as I turned it on, I waited for Alice and Jasper. I could hear Alice chirping excitedly from in the house with Esme. They were acting like it was our first time to go back to school. I had lost count of how many times I had reentered high school. "Alice." I called. "If we don't go we won't make it in time." I knew my voice would reach all my family's ears.

"Oh! Of course, Edward." Alice said seeming shocked that she forgot.

Emmett and Rosalie took his jeep and Jasper and Alice road in the back of my car. Emmett led the way speeding in front of us and I kept on his tail. The roads were thin and hardly any car occupied the wet streets. This small town of Forks had hardly changed in the time we had been away. It seemed almost timeless yet as though it held a dreary past. It was saddening. Jasper looked up at me curious. He must of felt of felt my emotions. He inclined his and his thoughts asked me what was wrong. I just shook my head telling him it was nothing and he nodded continuing to look out the window as Alice talked missing our silent conversation.

The school was in view when suddenly Alice went quiet. Both Jasper's and my head swiveled in her direction but when I tried to read what she was seeing she snapped out of it and blocked me from her thoughts. I looked at her in question but she just smiled hugely in a secret. "Alice?" Jasper said looking between Alice and I.

"It's nothing, Jazzy." Alice giggled in excitement. I just rolled my eyes turning into the school's parking. We had all eyes on us but I was used to this it happened everywhere we went. The thoughts of all the kids around us were either ogling or blank. "Oh! Edward I'm going to need my notebook and I left it at home!" Alice pouted and I knew she wanted me to go get it. I sighed as she gave me her puppy eyes.

"I'll go get it during lunch. Is that okay?" I asked she thought about it then nodded happily.

The rest of school was just like every other time we entered school. People stared and buzzed about us the gossip spreading quickly. I had to introduce myself for almost every class over what felt like a million times. I tried to be nice be I also let them know I didn't want to talk but they didn't get it. I was concentrating on blocking the thoughts of all the jabbing thoughts of me from students and teachers.

Lunch came slow and I was now very willing to go on Alice's little errand anything to get me out of the school and a break from these people's minds. I was practically itching as I walked swiftly to where my family had gathered in the rain.

"Alice, I'll go now and meet you outside the café." I told her quickly.

"Hey, Edward. Where you goin'?" Emmett asked.

"To go get Alice's notebook." I turned halfway to him still walking.

"Alright. See ya soon." Emmett boomed. The parking lot was empty as I walk to my car keys in hand. Rain soaked my clothes sliding of my skin and raindrops filled my hair. I unlocked my car and speeded from the parking lot. It was a relief to be out of site of the school. I listened to Debussy to calm me down as I raced to our house. I swiftly turned down the drive weaving with the curves in the road. Esme met me on the porch.

"Edward? What's wrong?" Esme asked her thoughts wondering about why I wasn't at school. I walked springing up the steps.

"I came to get Alice's notebook. She had a vision she would need it." I explained reassuring her. She looked relieved and flowed me up the stairs into Alice's room. I looked to see her notebook sitting on her desk in plain sight. This confused me. I was sure I would need to look around but I just shrugged it of and retrieved it.

"So how is school so far?" Esme asked eagerly wanting to know how everyone was treating us. Just like a real mom would. I smiled at her. Turning on the steps I looked her in the eye.

"It's going great and everyone is hospitable." I let her know leaving out the fact everyone wouldn't leave us alone. She smiled happily thoroughly convinced. Esme kissed me on the cheek as I made my way out the door and into my car. I speeded back to school to find lunch was over and started to look for Alice. I heard her thoughts from the hall and when she saw me she came running for her notebook.

"Thanks Eddie! Got to go!" Alice quickly said her thanks ripping the tiny little book from my hands and racing down the hall out of sight. I shook my head. What was wrong with that girl? She was being more crazy than normal. I would have to ask her later. I continued down the hall shaking my head. I kept walking till someone caught my eye. A beautiful girl sat on a bench.

I saw her sitting in the middle of the crowd. The world was rushing past her as though she was timeless. She had her knees pulled into herself in an attempt to be unseen, but she stood out. Looking weak and fragile she wore a face of sadness. She was beautiful yet so hidden in her anguish it broke my heart.

I was surprised a girl I had never met could twist my feelings in ways I had never felt, and a human at that. My world seemingly stopped the moment I laid eyes upon her. I had an urge to panic at these unknown emotions that burned into me but I was enjoying the flame that blazed within my hollow chest. I felt whole as it warmed my icy body.

My legs ached as they fought me to run and embrace her in my arms and tell her she was safe and protected. My arms twitched in anticipation of her warm pleading body. I had my eyes glued to her unblinking and unable to rip my stare from her.

Mind screaming at me to know why her eyes held such despondency I was dragged into a spiral of confusion. How could an angel feel so? How could such a beautiful girl feel unloved? Why was I holding myself back? I shook my head to try to clear it but to no avail. She filled my jumbled thoughts.

My angel stood then her long hair like a veil hiding her glorious face. She walked swiftly from me into the passing crowd. And it was like she took my heart with her beckoning me to go with her but I stood strong. All I could do is watch empty at the group of people that she had been lost in.

I wished with my entire being that I would be able to she that angel again and stood like a statue as the world swirled around me.

I couldn't take it anymore and I ran swiftly after. I dodged people easily and many people looked up at me in surprise. I caught sight of her just a boy slammed into her not leaving a second glance. I felt fury and wanted to go after him but the moment I saw her slide to the floor looking up to see if anyone had stopped, I started towards her without thinking.

"Are you alright?" I asked her concerned. She looked at me through her hair seemingly surprised I had seen her. I tried to read her thoughts but to no avail. I held my hand out to her but she refused it and got up on her own. I noticed that she winced and somewhat cradled her arm.

"T-thank…y-you." She stuttered. Her voice was soft and angelic but I could tell she hardly talked. I drove her siren voice from my head and thought about her wellbeing.

"Did you hurt your arm?" I asked strongly worried. For a moment she seemed confused then a little shy look came to her face.

"I'm f-fine." She whispered but I could hear the lie in her voice. I wanted to ask her why she wouldn't take my help but the moment I looked in her eyes all of it disappeared. I changed my question.

"What is your next class?" I asked suddenly. Bella had her head towards the floor but her head snapped up when I asked the unexpected question. Her eyes met mine and she told me she had biology with Mr. Banner. Her answer felt like a god sent gift. I could feel myself lighten up. "That's my class too. I'll walk with you." I reached down quickly to get her things knowing that she wouldn't object to me yet. It was when we started down the hall that I remembered that we had not yet introduced each other yet. "My name is Edward Cullen. What is yours?" I asked her sweetly afraid to scare her off.

"B-Bella Swan." She stuttered once again in her angelic voice. Bella seemed frustrated that she couldn't control her shaking voice. I smiled down at her. Bella meant beautiful in Italian. Ah at this moment I applauded the language on there accuracy.

"Bella, your name fits you." I reached out carefully and so irritatingly slowly to twist the hair from her face. I observed her now up close to see every feature on this angle's face. She was stunningly pale even to my eyes. Her eyes were the brightest blue I had ever seen in all my years and I got lost in them. As we sat unmoving I saw her eyes loose the guard that stopped me from seeing her true self. I felt strange as and emotion filled me that I had never felt before. It was confusing. I opened my mouth trying to think of something to say when the warning bell rang. "We should get to class." I spoke my voice ruff with emotions. What was this fiery feeling?

I walked Bella into class dropping her stuff off where she pointed. I felt protective of her when I saw the other kids but was glad t see they weren't coming in yet.

"Thanks." I heard Bella say softly and look up to see if I heard her. And I did. I smiled at her crookedly. Bella sat down as the bell rang and I saw that all the kids outside crammed through the door. At least Bella was sitting down. I tore my eyes from hers and walked to the front of the room to greet my teacher.

Mr. Banner stared at me his thoughts filled with jealousy and surprise but he tried to not show it just as I tried not to smile. He then sighed my paper and told me to introduce myself. But before I could speak Mr. Banner tried to quiet the class. "Alright, everyone! We have a new student today." Once the words new and student came from his mouth the room went quiet and everyone stared at me with wide eyes but one I noticed, Bella. I smiled.

"Hello." As soon as I spoke I saw jaws drop. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "I'm Edward Cullen. I just moved here from Alaska with my family." I noticed Bella's head incline as I spoke new information and for some reason I was glad she wanted to know more about me. So I went on. "I am adopted and will now be attending school with you this year. Please take care of me." I asked formally. I seemed everyone was in shock and all his or her thoughts were jumbled. Mr. Banner recovered himself and told me to take the seat next to Bella. I happily obliged and went to my place beside Bella. I noticed her eyes get bright and what was almost a smile appear on her face. It was the closest thing I had seen to her smile. It made me thrilled that I could see it.

It was hard to concentrate in class sitting next to Bella. Even so every time Mr. Banner called on me I had the correct answer. My knowing every answer amazed kid's thoughts but how could I not? I had been in this class more times than I desired to count and I could read minds so it really was just a win-win situation. The nasally bell rang to soon for me. Where had it all gone? It felt just moments ago I had lifted Bella from that tiled floor.

Bella bent down to gather her things that sat upon the floor and I had an aching urge to once ask her yet another question. For some reason I was embarrassed. "Bella?" I asked her softly ducking my head to look down at her crouched figure, my hair falling in front of my eyes at the movement. I was happy to see her look up eagerly at my call. "What hour do you have held for next?"

"Gym in building six," She answered me in a small whispering voice. I was a little disappointed that so far I had only one class with Bella. "I'm sorry." Bella said quickly repentant. I was confused. What was she apologizing for?

"For what?" I smiled and chuckled still confused.

"Making you unhappy." Bella looked down sadly. Her words shocked me. How could she get the thought that she could even _make_ me any where near unhappy?

"Bella," I whispered to her gently and when she didn't look up I lifted her chin with my icy fingers. Bella's skin was so soft and warm. "You didn't make me unhappy. The fact we have different classes and less time to talk makes me unhappy." My voice was low but serious. I watched, as her face grew red this made me laugh gently. Even red she looked angelic. "We need to go to class."

I walked close to Bella in the hall preventing another collision with the people walking by. For some weird reason I felt a need to stand by her side and protect her. What was with me? We stepped outside to go to the next building.

I looked down at Bella to see her eyes unfocused as she walked next to me in a daze. I longed to get inside her head but somehow I could hear nothing. I stared. She was so beautiful when she was thinking.

"Bella?" I called Bella back to me as I saw her door approaching. She looked up innocently forgetting about the rain. Bella blinked as the droplets caught her by surprise. I stood over her blocking her face from any to come raindrops. "Your class?" I gestured to her door. Bella blushed.

"Thanks. I got l-lost." She pointed to her head adorably. I laughed that happens to me all the time. And without thinking I reached to sweep the back of my hand against he soft cheek.

"I wonder what you think about." I told her honestly and bemusement. I got lost as I stared into her eyes but broke it off as soon as I would let myself. "Goodbye, Bella." I whispered to her and it hurt to say those words. I turned before Bella could catch it.

I of course made it to class on time. Luckily I didn't have to introduce myself to the class. I sat in a desk happy I didn't have to share a table with another person. The teacher started talking and I was about to tune out when she said something that sounded like toy win. I listened to the minds of all those around me. The One You Never Notice, Toy-win, was the teenaged counselor for the student body.

I listened more intrigued. They hadn't had something like this when I had come here last. So Toy-win was an unknown person among all students. I thought about his or her name and I felt suddenly compelled to write to this mysterious person. I got out a clean sheet of paper and swiftly wrote. When I had finished I carefully folded the paper and decided I would ask the teacher where to put it and for an envelope.

When he bell finally rang I went strait to the teachers desk. "Excuse me, Ma'am?" I asked and She turned around thinking about how I was only seventeen.

"Yes, Edward?" She asked flustered.

"Could you tell me where to drop off a letter for Toy-win?" I asked politely. I was also avoiding her thoughts.

"Oh, well, the box is on a table in the main office. It will crowded since everyone turns them in after school." She told me somewhat bating her eyes.

"Thanks. And can I have an envelope?" I asked her she nodded reaching in the metal screeching drawer to hand me one. I thanked her once more and headed to the main office.

It was crowded as I stepped into the small little office. I managed to slip my envelope in and get out quickly. I walked to my car to see Alice and Jasper waiting.

"Hey, where were you?" Alice asked as I walked up.

"Being spontaneous." I answered her smiling. Her face pouted and Jasper smiled at my teasing.

"That tells me nothing!" Alice whined. I just smiled and got in the car and Alice slumped into the front seat. Jasper chuckled as he slid in the back.

I didn't tell Alice about anything. I felt as though I wanted some secret of my own. And plus I was nervous enough as it was. I couldn't wait for a reply.

_See I know it took longer but it is 10 pages I wrote just for you! _

_**Please Review **_


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter five

Alice stomped up the stairs slamming the door on her way into the house. I sighed knowing that Esme and Carlisle would be curious. I sighed once again stepping out of the car swiftly. Jasper followed my lead and sensing my wary emotion gave me a sympathetic look mix with guilt of his wife. I smiled back at him knowing that he or any other person couldn't control Alice.

"What's her problem?" Emmett asked his thumb jabbed out in her direction. Rosalie looked at us curiously both of their thoughts confused. Rosalie placed her hands on her hips expectantly.

"Alice is mad at me." I said simply but my tone was harsh enough to state them to ask no further. Without waiting for a reply I walked up to the house stepping lightly up the steps. I slid into the small opening I made with the door. I heard their confused thoughts. They were shocked by my strange behavior. I didn't even understand my behavior.

Esme was standing in the foyer her eyes on the stairs Alice stormed up. She turned towards me. "Edward? What ever is the matter with Alice?" I looked down to the floor when I saw the worry in Esme's eyes. I felt guilty.

"I-" I began but Emmett and the others came in. Emmett and Rosalie stopped to listen in. Jasper felt my want to be alone.

"Emmett let's go get some games for us to play." Jasper suggested breaking the silence.

"Yes! Could we go, Esme?" Emmett asked jumping up and down like a little kid on Christmas. Esme nodded. "Sw-eet! Rosie will you come with us?" Rosalie glared between Jasper and I but turned to Emmett and nodded.

Emmett ran happily out the door snatching Rosalie in his arms as he went. Jasper turned but I grabbed his forearm. I sent him a wave appreciation. _Your welcome_, he thought back and slipped out the door leaving Esme and I alone.

"Edward, what is wrong dear?" I noticed this time she asked the question directed towards me. I looked down at the floor ashamed for the way I had acted. I was raised to be a gentleman. I walked over to the wall and slumped down placing my head in my hands.

"I'm a selfish jerk." I mumbled into my hands lowering my head to run my fingers through my hair. I heard Esme walk over.

"Edward," She cooed to me softly lifting my eyes to meet hers. "Why would you say that?"

"I'm keeping a secret." I closed my eyes as I spoke. "I'm doing something I don't want to leak out." I was glad that Esme controlled her thoughts.

"Are you doing anything that would harm anyone?" Carlisle spoke. I looked up in shock. I hadn't heard him enter. He looked down at me and I slowly shook my head no. "Then why would you feel so bad?"

"I-" Esme and Carlisle looked down at me waiting. "I don't think it's fair for me to keep secrets."

"Why would you think that?" Esme asked bewildered.

"I can read all of your minds. Why should I be able to keep secrets when none of you can?" I glanced up at them longing for them to tell me how to fix everything. But I knew that that was childish.

"Edward, It's not your fault that you can read our minds and you shouldn't punish your self for something you can't control." Esme tried to sooth me.

"Do you want to do whatever your doing?" Carlisle asked when he saw me about to argue. I thought for a moment. The first thought that came to my mind was why? Why did I have this sudden craving to write to this mysterious person? Why did I want to keep it all a secret? After all my 'whys' I knew only one thing.

"Yes. I want to." I said confidently. I looked into their eyes longing forgiveness. And I saw what I wanted. Leaping up I pulled them both into a hug. I could tell they were both shocked by my sudden affection. I never showed my feelings. "Thank you." I murmured before running up the stairs to my room.

Sitting down on my couch I thought of the small letter I had written. Would he or she be reading it at this moment? I longed for the response of the one person I didn't even know. But above all else I longed to see Bella. The beautiful angel I could hardly believe was real. I ached for Bella Swan.

_Ok so I know it is short but I promised I would post before TouchMyGoldenHeart goes on her vacation!_

_-EdWarded_


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter six

As Edward walked me from the school to the parking lot, I noticed people stares, but they were not at me. The stares were for Edward and it was as if they couldn't even think I could stand next to a wonderful god-like being. I didn't blame them for I was asking myself the same question. If they were I, I would look right through me too. There was nothing for me to give them. Edward walked me right up to my truck.

"Thanks for walking me, Edward." I said shyly not really wanting him to go.

"Your welcome, Bella." Edward smiled at me. I desperately wanted for him to say my name again. Edward looked down at me with smiling eyes that danced in the clouded gray light. He was so perfect. "Bella," Edward spoke my name softly. Was he a mind reader? "Be safe." He whispered to me in a ruff voice before taking his leave towards his car and family.

I latched my hand around the handle of my faded red truck pulling with force to earn a great objecting whine from the springs that allowed the door to open. I climbed in the large cabin my hands landed on the large round wheel admitting my fingers to glide between the bumps on the wheel. I tried unsuccessfully to keep my mind on the road and off Edward. I failed miserably. He was just…perfect. So awesomely perfect, it was hard to find the words to describe them. Does anyone have any idea how it feels to try to think of him when you can't even put him in words?

Pulling into the drive and shut off the engine making it go quiet. I hit my forehead against the wheel. I was hopelessly caught in his trap, but the part that scared me was I didn't want out.

"This is so unhealthy," I mumbled as I climbed out of the truck. Reaching the door, I looked around to see if anyone was around before retrieving the key from under the eave. Inside it was dark. I stepped into the entry turning around to close the door guiding it creakily back to place.

As I was acing the door, I thought I could see a silhouette a shiver slid down my back. I swiveled around quickly my hair flailing. But as I turned I saw nothing in the room. It was to dark to clearly make out the objects. I walked quietly and cautiously to a side table that held a lamp. I turned the round shaped switch. Nothing happened… I looked down at the lamp and turned it again. A bright light flooded me eyes. Blinking against the sudden change in light I turned away looking for any sign of anyone. Gazing around the room with blue splotches in my vision but most of all I didn't see anyone. _I must be seeing things_.

I stepped into the kitchen, knowing I should keep my mind busy. Opening the fridge door I could see that for starters I needed some quality time with the local grocery store, and that the only thing I seemed to have was macaroni and cheese. I sighed; _I might just skip dinner tonight and see if Charlie wants pizza_. I closed the fridge and brought my things up to my room.

Clacking and dragging my heavy load to my bed I collapsed breathing deeply in and out. Why are school things so heavy? Once I had caught my breath I rolled till I was on my stomach to better reach the box of cards on the floor. Peeking inside I saw to my relief I wouldn't be kept up all night responding. As I turned to get a pen and paper from my nightstand I remembered the letter 'he' had wrote for me.

Forgetting the paper and pen I turned back to the small box. Practically throwing the lid across the room I searched for the small card. Frantic hands feeling for that one crisp envelope…they found none. Sighing I leaned back dropping my hands to my lap. I guess it was wrong to hope for someone to write back. Wrong for thinking 'he' could really care. Dejected I turned to answer the rest of the letters.

I was in the middle of writing when I heard the phone ring. Dashing down stairs I caught the phone in mid ring. "Hello?" I asked breathlessly.

"Bella? Are you alright?" Charlie asked in worry and curiosity. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm fine. I just had to run down the stairs in order to catch the phone in time." I answered him twirling the phone cord between my fingers.

"Oh," Charlie huffed gruffly, getting back on topic. "Well, uh, Bells," Charlie, said in a fatherly tone and I encouraged him to hurry up with my mind. He beats around the bush too much. "I'm gonna be staying here at the station with the boys for a little while. If that's okay with you of course." Charlie said speaking kind of shyly.

"Sure, that's fine, Dad." I said in order to relieve his worry, but in fact the house felt sort of cold and empty now. I heard Charlie let out a breath.

"Thanks, Bells. Are you sure you will be okay? What about dinner?" Charlie fretted like a mother hen. I smiled. At least he cared.

"Dad, can I remind you that, one, I am seventeen and, two, I cook dinner every night we don't get take out."

"Well, I guess your right," Charlie said exhaling deeply and I heard him mutter, "…like always." I laughed with a heavy heart wishing, like a little girl, her daddy would come home, but Charlie had a bigger life than me.

"Okay, I will see you soon, Dad." I told him clutching the phone tightly in my fingers willing them to be true.

"Yeah, don't worry I will be home soon. See you soon. Love you, Bells." Charlie spoke gruffly. Murmuring "I love you" back I hung up the phone. Cast down I walked up the stairs. As I sat back down on my paper-covered bed, I observed that I had finished. I looked up with somewhat disappointment. More than anything I wanted to fill myself in the small problems of others and not left to be forsaken with my own. I heaved up from the bed heading for the light switch. And I almost made it.

Foot slipping on a small fragment of paper, I barely caught myself before slamming into the floor. Moaning in frustration I turned to see what had caused my spill this time. An envelope fluttered down back to the place on the floor. It was now a wrinkled, white envelope with no address on it, but this isn't what caught my eye. This envelope was unopened.

Reaching toward it slowly I felt as though it would disappear. It felt just like when I thought of Edward. I would get close but he would disappear when close in reach. It was so ragged and brittle. Slipping my thin finger under the tab lifting up I was able to pull out a piece of paper.

_Dear The One You Will Never Notice,_

_This may sound childish to say, but I do not like this truth you are stating. It seems you are miserable and that bring grief to me. I can't understand why it hurts me to read the sadness you had written in your letter. You are a stranger, but yet I feel as though I need to be there at this moment in time to hold you in my arms and tell you that you will never be alone. You take pride in being invisible and feel as though I am the first to care? That is not living. _

_I want you to know you are not alone in your loneliness. There are many times I feel the striking of jealousy of the ones holding each other in their arms. And like you a lonely girl trying to get through life I am a lonely boy striving to get through an existence._

_Always with you,_

_The One Who Cares_

By the time I had finished I was crying. Gasping sobs pulling their way out of my chest. Who was this boy with such a beautiful heart? Why had he taken this time to write back after my sob story letter I had written to him? But most importantly, why had God left him lonely?

I was starting to feel a strong emotion towards him. And it was that I loved him. I loved the letters he had written to me. But I didn't love him in a relationship way, yet. I loved him as the important friend I had found, or better had found me. In him I felt hope that I had only found in one place. That place was next to Edward.

I found a blank sheet of paper and wrote back to him using my best handwriting.

_Dear The One Who Cares,_

_Thank you for worrying about me. You could have no idea how happy I am to receive your letters. But I have one favor to ask of you. Please do not feel pity on my account. And I know I am not alone, well sometimes. I have my father when he is not working, and now, I hope, I have you. Never before was I able to let my feelings show. Not even to my father, but you have helped me. What you wish for is love and you are not alone on that road. I am also on that dreary path. I hope to accompany you down that journey, if you will allow. _

_ You are the closest thing I have ever had to a friend. I am wishful you see me close to that measure too, but understand if you don't. Thank you, for everything. _

_Sincerely,_

_The One You Will Never Notice_

Folding my paper and tucking it inside the envelope, I sealed it away with a newfound hope.

_Sorry it took so long, I didn't have much motivation these past few weeks. Please review. It means the world to me. _

_-EdWarded _


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

"So spill!" Alice shouted at me clearly forgetting I could hear her just fine when she didn't yell. I was back, literally, into a corner. Alice had been bugging me about my secret for hours now and I was starting to cave, when Esme walked in. Pleading her with my eyes to tear this raging pixie away from me.

"Alice," Esme said in a scolding tone causing Alice to almost back off, key word being _almost_. "Dear, Edward will tell you when he is ready." Esme told her but I could hear her blazing curious thoughts about her lonely son. I sighed giving in but Alice must have thought it was a sigh of relief for she huffed and crossed her arms. I couldn't believe I was really giving in. I had never before caved in unless there was an important cause.

"I don't see why he can't tell me! We tell each other everything!" Alice whined. I looked down preparing myself. Lifting my eyes to gaze at them I spoke.

"Is it really that important to you." I whispered. Alice and Esme looked at me in surprise. Meeting their gazes with me own of resign. Alice nodded mutely but her thoughts were in awe that I actually buckled. Esme's reaction was much kinder.

"Everything about you is important to me, Edward." Esme smiled at me I could also hear she was somewhat surprised. I sighed then took a deep unnecessary breath to prepare myself of what I would say next.

"It's nothing big. I just feel…I don't know…childish about it." I began in a rushed low voice.

"It's alright, Edward. Go on." Esme tried to sooth me. It didn't work.

"See there is this person at school that, um, writes letters of advice to people. Well I noticed how she, erm, took the name The One You Will Never Notice as her own and felt somewhat obligated to speak with her." I finished feeling their stares on me. Why did I feel so frivolous? It wasn't as though this was a bad thing. I heard Esme sigh in relief. She thought it was going to be something much worse.

"That's all?" Alice asked confused by why I reacted so strongly.

"Yes. I know. I'm over reacting." I sighed in exasperation. Why did I give in? Why?

"Well what did Toywin say?" Alice asked clearly knowing whom I was talking about. It was hard not to hear the gossip when our hearing was so well in tact. But at least now I knew what my revenge would be.

"Nothing of importance." I smiled down impishly at her. She looked shocked for a moment then glowered back up at me. Her thoughts fueled by seething rage.

"So, Edward, do you know for sure she is a girl?" Esme asked me. I nodded.

"She told me. And for some reason I just…know." I told Esme with certainty and confusion in my eyes. How did I know this? Why did I believe this stranger I could of never met? This just didn't make sense! Esme gave me a strange smile before kissing me on the cheek and walking away. I looked at Alice in question but she just shrugged having not clue either. But she did have other ideas. Pulling me upstairs, Alice rushed me into my room.

"So how are you and Bella?" Alice asked me smiling hugely. This smile seemed somewhat sinister, as though she would stop at nothing to find the answer. But instead of remarking back, I thought of Bella. I could see her trusting eyes sparkle at me. So curious how they held both pain of her own and comfort for others, why didn't she care more to protect herself? Wasn't that human nature? In all my years I thought I knew human fairly well, but Bella surprises me. And here I thought nothing could surprise me anymore. "Hello! Edward!" Alice snapped her fingers in front of my face. "Why are you smiling? Am I missing something?" Alice asked frustrated.

"No," I said softly my smile fading, as I remembered how a human could never fall in love with a monster. "Nothing at all."

I walked out of the room then only to sprint out the back. I ran past the freeway into the forest for a few miles. I arrived at my secret meadow. Wild flowers danced about in the wind and a few feet away lie a creek. I ambled to the center of the circular clearing. I stood breathing in the scents around me. Wild flowers, musty earth, elk fleeting a few miles south became clear in this one breath. The wind gusted around me once more tangling my bronze hair.

As enchanting as the world was, all I could think of was Bella. I had never been so drawn to anything or one in my life. It was as though she was the only thing keeping my existence. It was then I had realized I wanted Bella to be mine. I wanted to hold her softly in my arms.

Ok...so Iknow your probably mad for the shortness but at least I posted sooner! I worked my but off for this one so ENJOY!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review, I love it when you do! ;}


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter eight

When I awoke to a strange uneasy feeling. Detangling myself enough to sit up I looked around the room for any kind of reason that may be causing this. I found none. Listening to the sounds around me I could hear the creaking of the walls and the patter of the rain and nothing more than sounds of a sleeping world.

Turning to the clock I saw it was only half past twelve. I knew that I could never sleep with this ill feeling that hovered in the air. What to now? I asked myself, tossing yours truly against the lumpy pillows on my bed. Soon I will never be able to sleep and I will pass out from exhaustion, causing my already bad headaches to worsen. Shifting around my bed some more in my last attempts to get comfortable, I decided to give up on sleep and find something else to do.

But what was there to do? Write. I could write! Reaching into my nightstands drawer I pulled out my story I had been working on for a while now. Whenever I thought about or had time I would work on it, not that I think it will ever be finished. So far it was about a girl and her garden she strived to keep alive, and . . . that was about it. I didn't know where to take the story.

I sat tapping my pencil against the boring half filled paper waiting for inspiration to come to me. None came. Finally I gave up on that too, sliding it away forcefully, and tried to think of something else to do.

Then suddenly I had a spontaneous idea and urge. Racing quietly around the room I got dressed in a warm, thick pair of jeans and a nice longed sleeved shirt throwing a rain jacket on top confident that it would be raining tonight in Forks without stopping. Before I led out of my room I grabbed a flashlight Charlie had given me incase of an outage, which was likely to happen, but Charlie was just being protective. I flicked the switch with my thumb to test the light, since I had had it for years I didn't know if it would work, but it did. The light was a little to dim for my taste but it would have to work. I stuck the handle of the cylinder-like, red flashlight in my pocket and headed out the door, trying not to think of how stupid I was being for doing this.

Creaking my way down the stairs, I headed to my black, rubbery rain boots. I carried them to the step before the door and sat down. My feet slipped into their barely bendable structure, heel rubbing roughly on the back before settling upon the soul. Opening the door lightly, I stepped out into the misting rain and headed to the cover of trees.

What was I thinking? I scolded myself. It was in the middle of the night and I as headed out into the middle of the woods? I had lost it for sure! All this talk, though, didn't stop me from trudging on deeper till the rain could barely touch me in the green maze.

I flicked on the flashlight, still not as bright as I would have liked it especially in the forest at dark, and looked around anxiously. Luckily I had walked onto a trail, so I would have a smaller chance to get lost. I pointed my light back at the house and could only see its outline; it was eerie in the darkness. Without any thought I turned my light to the trail and walked on.

The forest was a dark green under the dim light I provided. Ferns and branches reached out to my legs as I walked on the narrow trail, and the earth beneath me sunk slightly under my steps, making squishing noises with my rain boots.

I walked on till I was afraid to go any farther without finding my way back or running out of batteries, I had never used this flashlight but I wasn't going to chance the fact that they were old. Standing there I lifted my head to the sky that peeked through this spot in the trees, all I could see were rushing clouds, ignoring the exposed feeling I felt.

Why in such a hurry? I wondered to the clouds. Trying to keep pace with life? I got no answer, but I had never spoken the question. I shiver went down my back and I looked around to see if anyone was watching. You're to paranoid, I told myself, but I started to step backwards as a kind of fear washed through me.

Then I heard the slightest noise coming from behind me. The rustling of leaves caused me to spin to catch a sight of a silhouette, which was what I thought, was a …boy? I lifted my hand to try to shine the light on it only to realize I dropped the flashlight. Bending down quickly I snatched up the light and pointed it into the brush where the boy had been. Nothing. A shiver went up my spine and I raced in the direction of the house. Bad idea. Bad idea! I chanted in my head. How could I be so stupid? I couldn't hear the noise of anyone behind me, only the thwacking of the plants slapping against my legs and the squashy, thumping sound of my boots on the ground. At last I saw the house that I had lived in most of my life, though it seemed strange with no light shining inside.

I rushed up the steps my foot catching on the last one causing me to fall onto the porch, with the pulse of the rain, scattering water droplets into the air. A huff escaped my lips as I through myself up to fumble with the lock, just before I scampered into the dark house. My chest heaved up and down as I leaned weakly against the door. It was only then that I realized that the outline that I saw reminded me strangely of Edward Cullen.

Okie Dokie I know it is small but I have now excepted the fact that no matter what I do they will always be small!

I hope you like it! ;}

Please Review

EdWarded


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter nine

That couldn't be right…

What else could it be?

I wasn't thinking strait; I was too tiered.

You were so thinking strait and you were as awake as ever.

I was scared; it was just me imagining things.

I had been fighting with what I had seen in the woods last night, though I knew that last night what I had seen was in the form of Edward, whether it was my imagination or not. Either way Edward was on my mind all morning. I could hardly wait till lunch yet at the same time I dreaded seeing Edward. What if it really was Edward last night I saw? I would have totally run away from him! Would he be mad at me? And if it hadn't been him I'm sure my guilt from just even thinking I could daydream about was enough to make me avert my eyes.

The bell rang, the one that was to tell us that we were to go to Lunch. I slowly stood causing the metal legs of the chair to scrape annoyingly across the white tile floor, and gathered my things together. Following the crowd out the door into the hall, I was debating on whether to skip lunch entirely or face my fear like the big girl I was. Along this little debate my legs carried me to the lunchroom on their own accord, used to the path.

In the middle of my debate, I didn't notice someone was coming up from right behind me. A pair of long, cool hands wrapped themselves around the sides of my waist, causing me to yelp in surprise and almost drop my things. My head swiveled around quickly some in shock, some in fear, but to be replaced with a glowing happiness I couldn't deny I felt. Edward smiled crookedly down at me, though I could see in his eyes and emotion only to be described as concern mixed with fear.

"Sorry I frightened you but I had to stop you from your near collision with that boy that just passed." Edward explained himself removing his hands from my sides. I missed his touch. How could I ever think that he would ever be the person in the woods?

"That's fine. I'm sorry, I was zoning out, and for troubling you." I looked down from his eyes my face growing warm. I heard his low chuckle but there was an odd note his tone. I felt as though he was hiding something from me, and though I knew I shouldn't I wanted to find out what that was, my better side told me I had just made him angry but my other side told me I knew people well enough by now what they were like. What else would my letters teach me but the feeling and how people interacted with others and most importantly themselves? I knew with out a doubt Edward was hiding either his own self or something from me, admitting that to myself would be harder.

"You're no trouble at all." Edward told me placing his hand on my back leading me casually to the lunchroom, I only wish my heart were beating casually at his hand on my back. "More like a beautiful book with pages filled with a lost, unknown language." Edward said looking ahead without seeing. "I just can't put you down till I figure you out." Edward turned to smile me, and this time nothing seemed to cloud it, his smile was stunning.

"Sorry, but I don't have a translator. Can't help you." I smiled back shyly at him. Edward laughed, bending forward a bit causing his bronze hair to trickle into his eyes. How could anyone be so stunning? I stared at him with eyes that were slightly sad. He will never call his equal, but it was enough to be sitting next to him now, to be able to live with knowing him. I didn't care that knowing him might cause me to never love again, this would have to be enough, and I was willing to accept that. Edward chuckled a bit more then turned down to my sad smile, his eyes grew large at the sight. Edward's breath hitched and expression crossed his face so quickly I couldn't make it out in time before it was covered with a blank mask. He then pulled me suddenly down the hall in the opposite direction I didn't question him. I was sure he had a reason and for which I trusted him with my life. Edward turned the hall where no inhabited and pressed me, slightly rash, against the wall.

"Bella, please!" Edward stooped his eyes to my level pleading not only with words. "Tell me." His whispered was pained. "Tell me what is wrong." Had he seen how sad I had become? How distant I longed to be with whom I knew would one day leave me.

"Edward, noth-" I tried to say but he cut in.

"Bella, do not tell me that you are ok. I can see in your eyes you are not." Edward insisted and I almost caved.

"Edward, you can-" I wanted to say can't but he interrupted me once again.

"Bella, your smile back there was one of the most heartbreaking I have ever seen in my entire existence." Edward whispered to me as though _he_ were the one in pain. He moved his hands slightly down shoulders laying his head on my shoulder. "Please." He whispered even frailer this time. "It kills me to know something is hurting you but worst of all that I can't see or stop it."

"Edward," I spoke softly wrapping my arms around his back, he was cold. "Maybe someday I can tell you but Edward not right now." I explained slowly.

"Do you promise to tell me someday?" Edward looked me in the eyes as if to pull the truth.

"I hope so." I told him truthfully, but I didn't promise.

There was no way I could tell Edward that my beating heart lies in his hands. There was no way I could throw myself to be crushed.


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter ten

Bella was hiding something from me, but what? Oh how I wished I could read her mind. I had pulled her aside during lunch after that . . . smile. Her beautiful, heartbreaking smile, it pained me just to think about it. The way her eyes had shattered the light from her soul it was as though she let something go.

She told me that she might tell me someday, but I didn't want it to burden her till that day. Bella's fragile heart deserved so much more love. But what if I wasn't there that day . . .

"What if I wasn't there . . . ," I mumbled to my self. Did she think I wouldn't stay by her side? Bella thought she was going to be alone for the rest of her life?

I rushed down stairs as fast as my vampire legs had ever taken me before, on my way Alice, Esme and Jasper had run into the room at my sudden movement.

"Edward?" Esme asked frantic as she saw my face, she was as shocked as I was when I saw my face reflected through her mind. My eyes were frantic yet sad, and my breath filled the room with its distressed beat. "What?" Esme spoke one-worded questions in her mind also. _I have never seen him so . . . scared._ Esme thought. And she was right I was scared, but not for myself, or even them this time. Bella, Bella, Bella! She was the only thing that could run through my brain. Bella needed to know I would be by her side for always.

"I-I . . ." I mumbled breathlessly. What was this fierce pain in my chest? It was worse than anything I had felt, worse than even venom. "I _have_ to go."

"But, Edward-" Esme started to say, but Alice cut in.

"Esme," Alice interjected, "let him go." she spoke quietly but with such sureness Esme didn't continue. "He will be back, but he needs to be somewhere for someone." Alice told Esme. Esme agreed with her slowly. And I nodded toward Alice in thanks as she clung to Jasper's arm, and sprinted out the door.

I ran over the lawn forgetting about using a car, running was faster. Trees flew past me as I headed in a strait route to Bella's house. I will never let her feel unnoticed again. Unnoticed? Something pulled in the back of my mind but I paid no attention. Bella needed me now.

I arrived at Bella's window to see her lights out sitting on her bed. I climbed up to get a better view. And saw a heart-wrenching thing. Bella had pulled her knees into herself with her arms around them as if to stop shaking from the cold, but I knew the shaking was from the tears that dripped from her eyes.

Ok don't worry there will be more very very very very soon. I just wanted to put that in there I will post when I am done! ;}


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter eleven

The roads home were wet and slick black scaring me a little. They were a representation of life. Bleakly you slide around uneasily to find the safest part of the road with a fear that at any given moment could spin your life out of control to the pits of the side with only a slim chance to survive. So unbalanced and somewhat cruel, I thought softly to myself. So unreal to think about, almost forbidden in a state of mind.

Pulling into my drive my breaks squeaked ear piercingly as I pressed on the dark black peddle. "Ow, I have got to get those fixed." I muttered. Shifting in my chair I opened the creaky door causing a cool draft of air to blow into the cabin of the truck ruffling my hair and prickling my skin. I stepped out unwilling and stated toward the door, not knowing what my face showed I didn't want Charlie to see how I was suffering.

As I walked inside I noted with relief and sadness that all the lights were not on, Charlie was not here. I felt a wave of loneliness flow over me and decided to just go up stairs and answer my Toy-win letters. Maybe 'he' wrote back. I hadn't heard back from him since I wrote my last letter. He probably saw how attached I was and wanted to get out while he could.

Carrying the box against my chest I trudged through the semi-dark stairs and hall to my room. Not bothering with the light, I sat down sinking into my bed and opened the box grabbing randomly and wrote replies till my hand grew weak and my heart heavy with all the love advice I gave and the memories of the one I loved. Edward.

I curled up pushing the letters away. Who cares if that boy wrote back or not? I could only love Edward and I didn't even deserve his love in return. I thought of how today I had finally accepted a life without him, but how could I live? Edward was like my air or heartbeat. I needed him to live. What would I do when he was gone?

A sob broke my breath. When had I started crying? I didn't wipe my tears away, but wrapped my arms tighter around my legs to where it hurt but I welcomed the detraction. I decided this! I told myself. Staring blankly ahead of me I saw nothing but the tears that clouded my vision and only barely heard the rain roaring outside.

"Bella?" I heard a voice called making my breath hitch. Edward? I turned my blurry eyes to the direction of the window to see a large unclear figure standing in front of the now opened window. Edward. The only thing that convinced me he was real was the stray raindrop that had misted upon my cold cheeks. "Bella, what's wrong and really tell me this time." Edward turned and closed the window as I blinked the tears form my eyes.

"Ed-Edward. How- Why-" I stuttered. Edward was in my room?

"I was going to knock, but I saw you crying and came in without thinking." Edward said easily as if he didn't just sneak through my window but as though we had just met coincidence on the road. "But that doesn't matter. Why were you crying?" Edward spoke but I didn't hear instead I threw myself at him and sobbed into his shirt, he was started but just wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his lap as he sat on my bed.

We stayed like that listening to my shaking sobs as Edward rocked me so gently it was hard to tell I was moving. Soon my sobs had slowed to a stop and we sat unmoving now listening to the rain patter against my window. "Thank you." I whispered feeling childish to had cried all over Edward.

"You're welcome, but please tell me why you hurt so badly." Edward whispered back pain leaking into his voice at the last.

"I know what is and isn't avoidable." I said.

"And what does that mean to you?" Edward asked quietly, lifting my eyes to meet his flowing golden ones.

"Loosing you." I said looking between his eyes and I could see the surprise light inside them quickly being replaced by pain.

"Why do you plan on loosing me?" Edward asked this time it was him that looked away unseeingly. Wait he thought I didn't want him?

"Because you are so far above me I can't hold you to me. It's not fair to ask you to sacrifice for me." I told him this time turning on his lap so he could see the truth in my eyes. And he did.

"You don't think you are _good_ enough for me?" Edward asked in an appalled, angry, and sorrowful tone. I just nodded unable to speak or rip my gaze from his burning gold. "Bella, you are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen in heart and beauty. If anyone was to be trying to catch up it would be me, and I'm trying my hardest. Trust me." What Edward said surprised me. I was to good for him? Impossible. No one could even come close to compare to Edward.

"Y-you're wrong. I'm just a boring old girl. All I do is waste my time and write useless stories and be unseen. A-and your like . . . a Greek god or something! There is no way I can compare that!" I tried to explain to him how wrong he was. Edward smiled down at me after my little rant trying not to laugh. "What's so funny?" I demanded exasperated. Edward laughed.

"First, Greek god? Second, you are so not boring. Third, you are adorable when you are flustered." Edward held up his fingers counting the reasons and chuckled. I blushed. He thought I was cute?

"W-well that is what I first thought when I saw you. You look like a Greek god." I said throwing my hands in the air. Why couldn't he just accept that he was unearthly cute? Edward shook a little beneath me as his musical laugh filled my ears. I listened gladly.

Edward looked around my room and I suddenly wished I had cleaned it, but that feeling quickly was turned to fear when I saw Edward pick up a letter I had been replying to. I gasped snatching from him and leaping from his lap to pick up the letters.

"Did you get my letter?" Edward asked softly twirling an end of my hair. I turned to look at him wide eyed.

"Which one?" Was all I could say without my voice cracking? I hoped he knew what I meant.

"You want to know my name? Edward asked softly, leaning in to smell my hair lightly his eyes drifting closed.

"Please." I breathed.

"The One Who Cares, that is my name." Edward whispered his lips behind my ear. My eyes snapped open and I drew back from him, he looked a bit hurt and startled as I did so.

"You're . . .," I whispered looking at him in awe. It was all to perfect to be real.

"Yes. Is that a problem?" Edward asked turning his head to the side in question.

"You write the most beautiful letters." I told him tears filling my eyes again. And here I thought he couldn't get any better. I can be so stupid sometimes.

"Thanks you." Edward said simply wiping away my tears with his cool thumb.

"I feel like and idiot." I laughed embarrassed and wiping at my eyes.

"Why?" Edward laughed with me.

"For crying like an idiot," I giggled then held up two fingers, "twice!" Edward and I laughed.

"I don't think you're an idiot."

Edward and I talked for what seemed like a timeless moment. It wasn't till my eyes grew heavy I decided to look at the clock. "Whoa! How did it get so late . . . and dark?" I wondered out loud. Edward laughed at me for what, the hundredth time tonight? "Ok you have laughed at me enough!" I giggled swatting his arm. It was like rock.

"Well I guess you are right. I have laughed at you enough for _tonight_." Edward teased me clearly telling me more would come.

"Ok, it is late and, unfortunately, you have to go now." I smiled at him getting up from the bed. Edward also got up gracefully. "And you can go through the _door_ this time." I faked over enthusiasm. Edward laughed.

"Where is the fun in that?"

Edward followed me down the stairs and to the door, looking around as he did so. I stopped as my hand gripped the handle. "Will I see you tomorrow?" I asked looking at the floor.

"Only if you want to." Edward responded lightly but I could hear the truth behind it.

"I do." I told him as I opened the door. Outside is was dark and cool. "So I will see you tomorrow." I said awkwardly. Edward chuckled and nodded stepping out of the door.

"Goodnight, Bella." Edward said smiling.

"Nite." I mumbled closing the door before throwing it back open. "Hey, um, do you need a ride? I noticed you didn't have a car." I asked Edward as he turned back to face me.

"No, I'm fine." Edward smiled his glorious, crooked smile. I nodded and closed the door sliding down it.

"Oh! And, Bella?" I heard Edward call. "Don't sleep in the entry way." I stood and opened the door to remark back but when I opened it no one was there. I smiled. He was too perfect.


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter twelve

I ran home feeling as though I had only began to open my eyes at the world that lay out before me. Trees wiped past me as I ran at my fullest. So this is what it felt like to be free? It was almost as though to be reborn again. Or was this called love? The thing people died for?

How could I ever think all those people in writings and even in real life to be fools? I used to think how brainless could you be to throw your life away for another person, but now I could feel, so strongly, the need to give anything for the one I love, Bella.

I tapped up the steps of my home listening to each of my family members inside. I smiled at Esme's greeting that only I could hear. I pushed through the doors and to the living room Esme was standing in. Rushing over I took her in my arms spinning around causing her to yelp in surprise that quickly turned to laughter as I spun as fast as I could.

"Hello, Edward!" Esme giggled as I put her down. Carlisle laughed freely as he stood from the couch.

"Did something good happen?" Carlisle asked me smiling knowingly.

"Yes! But it was something I just couldn't see before. Or maybe because it wasn't around yet?" I mused happily to myself lifting my finger to my lips in a thoughtful gesture.

"And this would be…" Esme started allowing me to finish. I did so gladly.

"Bella!" I practically shouted flopping down on the couch. "The amazing, wonderful, beautiful girl who has stolen my non-beating heart." I threw my arms in the air in exclamation. How could I explain a feeling such as this? She was a wonderful almost unearthly being who deserved the entire world. It was as though I was in her grasp.

"Care to elaborate?" Alice asked bouncing into the room. And for once I did, but . . . how?

"Ah!" I ran outside to the flowerbed and pulled a pure white daisy from the flowerbed and rushed back inside to my winded family, which had now all crowded onto the couches.

"Edward, what – " Rosalie started but I cut her off.

"Ok, take this daisy and pretend it is me." I told him or her holding the white and yellow flower for everyone to see.

"So, Edward, all I'm getting here is you think you are a daisy." Emmett said smirking playfully.

"No right now I'm starting a metaphor. I know that word might be to big for you but try to keep up, if you can." I told faking sincerity.

"Now pretend I am Bella." I held up my hand for the comment I knew was coming from Emmett stopping him and proceeded. " Bella is holding me, and she can do whatever she wants with Edward. She could let him wilt alone, or starve to death, or go without water for days on end, or –"

"Does this list ever end?" Emmett asked which I could tell was just to interrupt me, so . . . I just ignored him.

"But does she?" I asked. "No! She finds him gives him water and sun so he can grow to the best of his extent." I continue. "And . . . she cares for him." I finished smiling happily at my family. All, well most, of their thoughts were happy and Jasper even more so since he could for the first time feel my happiness, but no one could compare to Esme.

Her thoughts were off the wall happy, the happy you would think you would only see when Alice got a new pair of Prada or Gucci shoes. See, it's so bad I even know brand names. Esme beamed at me and I felt strange as I returned the favor. Beam had never been in my description, in fact, I had never felt as good as I did now- but if I was with Bella I would.

I wonder what she is doing right now? Cooking? No, it was too late for that. Sleeping? I pictured Bella sleeping as I had seen her on those nights I watched her. What would she mumble about tonight?

Laughing brought me back to reality.

"She mumbles in her sleep?" Emmett asked smirking at me. Had I spoken out loud? I looked around at the amused faces and thought and saw that, yes, I had indeed spoken out loud.

_He's so cute when he's in love!_ Esme all but screamed in her thoughts. I ducked my head a little.

"Thanks", I mumbled shyly but still elated at the fact that Bella, well, hadn't really said she loved me but being afraid of loosing me meant she had to at least care, right? God, I hope so.

"Well, do you even _know_ how she feels about you?" Rosalie asked snidely trying to ruin my mood and my smile did dim a little. Everyone had turned to see what the answer would be, but Alice. Her thoughts were being hidden from me with thinking of women's undergarments. Uh! I shied away from her. Alice smiled. She was hiding something _big_.

"No, um, I'm not sure but I think she at least likes me." My words were scattered as I tried to get Alice's thoughts out of my head.

"Why would you think that?" Emmett asked noisily. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at him.

"Things that she said tonight . . . not that I am very good with dealing with humans." I tacked on the end hoping it would distract them from asking. I was sure Emmett would never let me live down the Greek God thing.

"You're not – " Emmett started it the tone he normally used to get under my skin. Yeah, my rock hard skin. "Wait, what things?" Emmett asked confused. Why oh why could he not just leave things alone!

"Nothing much . . ." I began but I could see that I would have to spill. "She said she was afraid of loosing me." I heard the room light up in glorious unison. All thoughts were glad, Esme and Alice, or a sort of shock that had a happy ring to it, Jasper and Emmett. And then there was Rosalie's that I tuned out after the first snide remark.

"Is that all she said to make you think that?" Emmett asked not entirely convinced yet with the evidence I provided. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"No."

"So . . ."

"She said she thought I was . . . cute." I said unwilling to give up her exact words.

_Cute? Really, Edward, do you think I am going to believe that, after a pause, that is what she said?_ Emmett wiggled his eyebrows at me. Anyone in the room could have guessed what he was asking, which they did if you were wondering.

"Fine! Her technical words were Greek God." I sighed in exasperated frustration.

Emmett busted out in a booming laughter. He wasn't the only one, even Rosalie had to cover her mouth to hide it. Esme mauled over the name and had decided that Bella could easily say that. Esme always gave me too much credit.

"Why is everyone trying, and failing I might add, to hide their laughter?" Carlisle asked walking back into the room. When had he left? Probably when you were to busy thinking about Bella again, I swear I have lost it. Well Carlisle's reaction only caused everyone to laugh even harder at my little situation.

"Edward's a Greek God!" Emmett bellowed. Carlisle smiled and arched an eyebrow.

"Ok, ok, I am leaving, now!" I waved behind my back as I turned.

"Where you going, Zeus?" Emmett yelled after me in laughter.

"To, Bella's. Where else?" Alice told him in a voice that implicated the, of course. And I didn't correct her for I was too busy making a beeline to Bella's window.

I would like to take this time to inform all of you I know I am not the best of writers out there, but I want all of you who can't understand the strain an author has to please his or her readers is almost unbearable. I use to get angry at author for not writing faster or doing what I thought was right in a story, but now I can only sympathize with how little of power they really have and the pressure they feel when they write. It is like anything I have ever felt before. It is painful yet the most beautiful feeling I have had yet.

I realize that I am only a child, I have yet to taste real life and for me I have already have given up on love. This is the one thing I can hold and say is mine. So thank you, for being there and if you ever wonder why I am late or I did something wrong I want you to try writing, cause books and words become so much more beautiful.

I know, this is a page in its self. ;}

Sorry.

-EdWarded


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter thirteen

What beauty there can be in the world. A bird flying high above where many can't reach, water touching the deepest parts of the Earth, a tree coming from the dirt as a seed and grow to such a height, all things that can take my breath away. These were things I saw as walked along the road today. Can you understand the depth of all these things, that have been mistaken as simple, but in the world isn't it always the things we don't normally notice that turn into what we treasure most? Is it their simple natures that bring me to love them? All I know for sure is that they are a blessing I have always been gifted with.

Walking on the road my big rain boots creating the reflected pictures to take different shapes. I am not far from school now and I can see it on the horizon. A few more steps, I tell myself. Questions roam around my head. What will today be like? When will the rain start again? Will Edward be here?

"Edward . . ." I murmur. I like the way his name tastes on my lips. I know I shouldn't be thinking about him, but I can't help it. I know that it will just hurt me when this all comes down again.

The school is bright and excited as groups of people run around chatting widely with their friends. I wonder where my friends were. Could I possibly find some? Would they accept me? I gaze on at the groups longingly.

"Bella?" I hear Edward speak from behind me and I turn slowly feeling the red come to my face. What about last night? No, that was a dream just a beautiful, beautiful dream.

"I hope you didn't sleep on your porch." Edward smiled at me. It wasn't a dream! It was beautiful, beautiful reality!

"N-no I didn't. Thank you very much!" I smiled in fake anger placing my hands on my hips. Edward's smile widened and he brushed some hair that was against my cheek behind my ear. I could swear his goal on life was to make me turn into a tomato.

"Alright, good." Edward laughed pulling me gently toward another hall. I couldn't help but feel the electricity that went through my hand. "Do you mind me accompanying you to your class?" Edward asked me never stopping but keeping the same lazy pace.

"Not at all." I told him honestly turning my head so I couldn't see his face and pretended to look at the things around me in interest. Right! Like anything could be more interesting than Edward Cullen!

"I saw you walking to school today." Edward started up in a new direction. This one took me by surprise.

"How did you know I walked to school today?" I asked looking up at his eyes to seek my answers. His eyes were some what guarded and I noted how often that actually was. Was he that far out of reach?

"I saw you when I drove by." Edward answered simply shrugging then he looked worried, but that was quickly masked though I could see through it. "I was going to stop but my car was full and I couldn't fit anyone else in." Edward tried to sound nonchalant and was seemingly good at it. I smiled at him. He was worried I would be angry since he didn't stop?

"Yes, I walked today." I looked ahead of me at the every changing people that moved around us. "I like to walk sometimes, to see the things I love." I smiled a small smile as I thought of the wonders I had explored on my way here.

"Things you love?" Edward asked intrigued his eyes sparkling in curiosity.

"I'll tell you later." I promised him as I looked up at the clock that hung loosely on the wall. "There won't be enough time now, and I wish to show you." I looked at him pleading. Surely he would think I was strange and disagree.

"You promise?" He answered instead taking me by surprise. I felt a swell inside me. Yes? He said yes to _me_? I giggled happily and nodded. "Then I will see you at lunch and we will make our plans then." He smiled back at me before turning into the crowd. I sighed as I watched him leave. _He said yes_.

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"You're sure you aren't hungry?" Edward asked again as I sat alone with him at a bench outside. His family decided to claim a table inside. This left Edward and I alone to talk about anything that came to mind.

"No, I'm fine. Just thirsty." I said and took a drink as though to prove my point. "So," I began placing my drink on the table in front of me and folded my hands around it nervously. "Are we going for a walk after school, or maybe this weekend if you are busy, or we could go some oth-" I rambled.

"We can go after school if you like. I am free." Edward smiled interrupting my stumbling speech, which I was grateful for. I nodded in agreement. Our plans had been made and now all there is to do is try not to hyperventilate.

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"Watch your step." I warned Edward as we walked to one of my favorite spots. I had found it when walking through the forest by my house on a surprisingly sunny day. Edward laughed and made little noise as we walked through the leaves. "What's so funny?" I had only told him to look out. What was wrong with that?

"Nothing." Edward tone was still filled with laughter, but it also stopped me from pressing the subject. Another secret? I huffed unhappily showing Edward my irritation. A low chuckled sounded from behind me.

We walked in, what I thought was, comfortable silence. It was nice to have someone to walk with for once. It was even better when that person was a beautiful God-like boy, named Edward Cullen. I had also had not been hurt the entire walk, which was a new record for me. Well, it was no surprise when Edward helped lift branches, made paths, and lifted me over obstacles that normally would make me end up face first with the ground. I felt my heart speed with every nice gesture Edward did for me. I tried not to think how wonderful it felt when Edward's long, gentle hands circled my waist.

"The water is just up ahead." I told Edward in a small voice, afraid of breaking the peaceful silence. Edward just nodded his eyes had hardened when I wasn't looking. What was on his mind? Had I done something wrong? Our once peaceful silence turned into an awkward and tense hush.

The dim light from the sky lit the dark green water just enough to call it beautiful. Everything was covered in green. Ducks floated on the natural, murky water creating ripples in the pictured reflection. My boots sank into the wet earth with each step. I could smell the water, moss, rain, and earth. This is where I could really feel I was living, surrounded by what was real. I breathed in a deep breath and sighed. Yes, I was real. I was living.

"This is where I would come . . . when I felt lost," I whispered to Edward staring at the small pond. What must he be thinking? Could he see such wonder that I did? "I guess this place was just so _real_ that it made me feel as though I was some how important." I explained turning to see Edward staring after the small gathering of water. His face was unreadable it made me nervous.

"You are important." Edward whispered back.

"How?" I asked. He couldn't possibly know, for I didn't even know. What was there, about me, that was so important?

"How?" Edward repeated furiously. "Bella, you are the most talented, smart, beautiful girl I have ever met. The fact that you, or anyone else, would think otherwise is ridiculous." Edward all but growled at me. Edward's aggressiveness frightened me. I had never seen him angry before. Edward was gorgeous when he was angry. Scratch that. Edward was gorgeous.

"Edward, if I was really so great people would have noticed me by now." I snapped back, Edward's anger fueled my own.

"Because they are complete and total idiots." Edward scowled probably from the memories of people. "That could be the only explanation." Edward finished his anger fading into something else, but before I could read it, it vanished behind the mask I fear so much. That mask was surely a sign of the day Edward would leave. That day would come, and the only question I would have was, when? Not why. When would that day come? Would it hurt him too? "Bella? Why do you make such a face?" Edward asked. Oh, my feelings are showing through. Where had all my practice gone? I was so good at hiding before.

"Because I'm still scared, Edward." Looking out to the pond I heard Edward's small intake of breath. This surprised him?

"Are you afraid of me?" Edward's cool hand snaked under my chin lifting my eyes to his own. Crap. I couldn't lie now.

"Yes." I answered truthfully causing surprise then hurt to race across Edward's face.

"I see . . ." He looked away releasing my chin so I had to reach for his to make him turn to me.

"Look, Edward, I don't know what you are," Edward eyes tightened as I spoke and turned blank, "but I know that the only thing you could do to scare me is what you are doing right now." I traced the deep circles under his eyes lightly; he shuddered under my touch.

"And what would that be?" Edward's eyes slowly closed as I placed my hands on each side of his face. I had dreamed of touching him. Edward's skin was beautiful and perfect. It was so soft under my warm hands, or was it his skin that was unnaturally cold?

"Hiding. It feels like you are running from me." My voice sounded like I was confessing to a deep and dark secret. It was hard to keep my eyes locked on his.

"That is the only way I can scare you?" Edward asked in a disbelieving tone. I nodded knowing all to well the fury that would follow. "Then you don't know me at all, Bella." His voice was low yet filled with and angry pleading. Was he trying to get me to run from him?

"I know you, Edward." I started to walk along the edges of the water, and Edward followed. "I know how you are filled with loneliness, yet hide it for you fear it is your weakness. I know how your eyes change color when you get angry or defensive, or how your lip pulls back some when you are incredibly angry." I laughed remembering the look he gave some people in the halls. "I know how your face gets this lost look when people talk about life, as though you don't think you have one. I . . . I know you better than I have ever known anyone, yet I . . . know nothing." I stopped by a fallen tree and stumbled till I found a place to sit. The bark was rubbed off and it was smooth and white, reminding me of Edward. He sat down next to me not speaking though I could see the aftermath of surprise that my words had caused.

Silence lasted till the sun had settled its way pat the horizon. Summer days were always shorter. Pink and purpled splashed the sky in random order yet exactly where they belonged. I guess that is the way life was, splashing us on a blank canvas telling us where to start but giving us the control where to guide the dripping paint. Has my pain mixed with Edward's? And if so what color would we be, we, how I now love the word.

"We should get you home." Edward broke the silence with his musical sigh. I just stood in agreement, though I longed more than anything to let the mist soak me and stay by Edward's side.

The car ride home was short and quiet. I stared at the too fast moving roads not believing that we were really moving that fast. "Will I see you tomorrow?" I blurted out before I could even think.

"Tomorrow?" Edward asked stunned by my suddenness. "Tomorrow is Saturday." Edward protested. Darn, he was right.

"We could still go do something." I spoke nervously rubbing my hands together. Stupid! You are only making things harder for him.

"I-I . . . don't know." Edward looked straight ahead. I looked at my folded hands, dejected. "Okay." Edward said after a minute of silence. I looked up at him in surprise. "Let's do something tomorrow." Edward concluded sneaking a glance at my face, which I was, sure, was breaking in half from my large small. "I'll pick you up around ten, so don't forget breakfast." Edward demanded as we pulled in the drive.

"Oh! Thanks you, thank you, thank you!" I smiled at him as I was getting out of the car. Wind blew up my spine causing me to shiver. As I was closing the door, I thought I could hear Edward whisper something.

"No, thank you."


	15. Chapter 14

Hey everyone! Yes I did change my picture and yes that is me! Sorry if I am less than you expected! ;}

I just thought I would let you know I am sorry that I had to cut off like this but I wanted to give you something for the beginning of the week! ;}

Chapter fourteen

I paced back and forth across the living room floor. Had I dressed nice, or maybe I hadn't dressed nice enough? Glancing down at my jean and blue sweater, I tried to convince myself I looked fine. Right! As if I could look fine standing next to Edward Cullen later on in the day! Ah, his name sent my heart into battle.

Giving up on my looks I started to stare, with a new fascination, at the clock. Other than noticing how much it needed dusting, I saw I had exactly twenty-eight minutes till Edward would arrive. Life just isn't kind to me.

I paced till I could almost swear there could have been a hole in the floor. Looking up at the clock, I groaned. Five minutes had gone by, only five little minutes. "No. Look at it in a positive way. Only twenty three now." I whispered willing the words into my head. This might have worked if I wasn't so stubborn.

I walked over to the couch and slowly, as I closed my eyes, I lay down on the rough material and imagined. I let the images of what I had in my mind of where I was fade into black like a void waiting to be filled with light. Now I could ask myself what had I gathered about Edward.

I first knew Edward's eyes could change colors. I knew how beautiful he was and how his skin was pure white and like ice. But what else could I be sure about? I had never seen him do something so outrageous that would tell me what he could possibly be. I wanted to ask him but I knew he wouldn't tell me unless I had enough facts to where he could have no other option.

Rapt, rapt!

I jolted strait up off the couch, and glanced at the clock. It was exactly eight. Edward! Fumbling out of the living room I dashed toward the door. I being the smart person I am forgot to put on my shoes so my socks slid across the slippery floor sending me right into the door.

"Ow . . ." I moaned holding my head in my hands.

"Are you alright?" I heard Edward's muffled voice come through the door. I blushed turning the knob till I could see Edward's fairly amused face.

"Y-yeah I'm fine." I looked at my feet while Edward chuckled with amusement.

"What am I gonna do with you?" Edward's cool hands examined the top of my head and I heard him let out a sigh of relief.

"If you hadn't noticed, I am a little used to the pain thing by now." I placed my hands on my hips and glared at him but I could tell he could see that I wasn't that angry with him. My wavering grimace turned into a small smile. I was happy. Edward was here and I felt . . . complete.

"Yes, I had noticed." Edward smiled back at me.

"So where are you taking me?" I asked to get the topic off my disability and partly because I was raging with curiosity. Edward's smiled turned wicked sending chills down my spine.

"That is for me to know, and you to _wish_ you knew."

Edward's tires moved swiftly yet smoothly out of my driveway. I had my arms folded across my chest trying, and failing I might add, to move Edward's decision of keeping where we were going a surprise. I had never been good with surprises and even with Edward in charge of it, that didn't change.

"Don't worry we will be there soon." Edward smiled at me seeming to enjoy my fragile anger, fragile only cause I knew the moment he dazzled me again I would let it slip away. It was hard enough as it was to hold on to it with Edward just sitting next to me.

"Yes, only because you drive like a maniac." I grumbled at him. A low chuckle is barely heard by my imperfect ears. I couldn't help the small smile that crossed my lips. I felt a swell of happiness flow through me. I was where I wanted to be. Such a strange sensation this was.

On the drive Edward questioned me on such little things I felt . . . interesting. Why would someone that didn't care want to know the smallest aspects of my life. Edward was seemingly very curious that I had told him that I had started to write a story, but there was a bit of, I guess, you could call amusement that followed the path of smugness, like he knew something I didn't. I had told him I was almost done and I just needed the perfect end. I talked for a very long time about my writings and it wasn't till Edward asked me what drove me my writing that I stopped my answering.

"Bella, you're lying." Edward pressed.

"Edward," I paused. "It's not important." I turned to look out at the raining scenery.

"To me it is." Edward whispered.

I let out a large sigh. Was I ready to let Edward into my most precious secret? No one knew I could write. Not even Charlie. But Edward did. I trusted him with that, so why not the reasons behind it? They were too painful, I whispered to my heart.

"Have you found yourself?" I asked Edward still gazing unseeingly out the window.

"Found myself? I'm right here, Bella." Edward said sounding confused.

"Have you found the thing that you know living is tied down to?" I hadn't realized I was whispering as I turned to see Edward's eyes. I pictured in my head what they looked like before with all the confusion, but now all I could see was the knowledge hidden in them. Yes, he did know what I meant. I wondered what his was.

"I see. You have." I turned back to the window. Rain danced along the slick glass. "I didn't." I sighed. "I was lost. It was as though I was dieing over and over again. Dieing every night only to wake and find another day of death. It wasn't till I found how to escape that I started to feel that I was actually on this Earth." I paused the only sounds were those of the heater and engine. I couldn't hear Edward's breath. Was he still alive? I panicked unreasonably. I knew he would be but my eyes turned to see his snowy hands turn the slick wheel. I let out a sigh of relief mixed with shame for my weak state.

"And what was it, Bella." Edward's voice was surprisingly soft yet sad, like a fallen angel, I thought.

"It was a pass of wherever I wanted to go. An outlet of what I was feeling. Edward, my writing are what I believe let me stand here today." I looked into his eyes willing him to understand. He was the only one that I needed to understand.

"And the amazing part is that when you write you are beautiful both on and off the paper." Edward smiled. And I joined him elated.

Edward let on the breaks till the car came to a stop. I looked up at a big building of dark tan. I looked questionably at Edward's seat only to finding him missing. I turned frantic to see him opening my door not quite blocking all the mist from me.

"Come on it's almost starting." Edward's hand stretched out to me. And I took it all to willing.


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter fifteen

"Edward, where are we?" I asked in childish wonder. The church like building loomed in front of my eyes.

"A place I just happened to run by." Edward answered vaguely. I frowned up at him, but his sweet smile converted it to match his own.

Edward pulled me gently from the car, but it was faster than any normal human could do. I kept that in the back of my mind not wanting to ruin the time we had. I toppled at the unexpected speed and was somewhat grateful when Edward's arms went around me to hold me still. My breath caught with such close contact.

"You okay?" Edward asked roughly, he had felt it too. I nodded mutely in response.

I walked up to the building with raging curiosity. It was so formal and not at all what I pictured Edward and I would be doing. What could this building hold? The rain started to fall over our heads and Edward and I ran the last few steps to the door. I threw it open and rushed inside, Edward followed. It was almost pitch black inside. I could hardly make out the shapes a few feet from me, and I noticed none of those shapes took Edward's form. I felt my heart quicken and told myself to calm before I started to walk into the pure darkness. I only got a few feet before the sound of a curtain sliding filled the room and a light shone across the path I walked.

"That's better." Edward smiled toward me and I smiled back at him relieved.

I took this moment to look around the large room before us. The inside of the room was dim with such little lighting that trying to fill the large space, but I could still make out the large objects that filled the space. The entire room was crammed with bookcases, ancient artwork, grand furniture, and an old, grand piano. And it wasn't just the objects occupying the room; I gaped at the beautiful, fine floors, moldings, and light fixtures, that made this place a wonder to find like an old bookstore, or mansion.

My feet, of their own accord, started to move to the center, till I saw the ledge of the second flooring. The only thing visible was the closely stacked bookcase over the edge. I was amazed by the number of books there had to be in here.

"This is amazing . . ." I whispered in awe moving in circles to catch glimpses.

"Thank you." Edward replied from close behind me. "This is a place I keep the things I like," His voice indicating a blow off gesture, as if this were an every day thing. This room was defiantly _not_ an every day thing.

"Edward, I don't think you realize how great this is." I smiled up at him. It was like an Edward museum, and I couldn't wait to get started. "Can I look around?"

"No, you are subjected to sit in this very spot till the end of time." Edward looked very serious, for he was a great actor, but I could he was trying not to smile. I sighed, and then dropped to the floor landing on my behind, which hurt now, and crossed my arms. Edward laughed offering his hand, which I gladly took hold of, and started to lead me around.

I saw statues that had to be a hundred years old, and paintings from the same era. I also saw countless books, every one I could name and more I had never seen, with yellow, thin pages and weathered bindings. I wanted to find out what they were about, how the smooth pages and covers felt under my clumsy finger tips, but I was too afraid to break them and clasped my hands together. I found myself doing this with almost everything, for everything was old. Over and over I would see so many antiques, and I question that went through my head was, where did he get all of this stuff?

We walk down the rows, never touching, but even though I wished to reach out and touch him I knew it was not what he wanted. Despite that, the aura was happy and clean. I would ask countless questions about where certain things did and why, and Edward, never seeming to tire, answered ever single one. It must have been hours though my heart was telling me it was only minutes. But my aching body told me otherwise. Edward seemed to see this and started to lead me through the confusing maze.

Soon we came upon a window seat, and Edward guided me to sit on it, which I did ever so carefully. The little pillows on the bench were amazingly soft and I situated my legs till I could rest my chin on my knees. I looked around at all the things we had gone through, which was only half since I refused to miss a thing, till my feet hurt.

"I know I have said this a hundred times, but, wow." I said shaking my head in disbelief.

"Don't worry that was only ninety-eighth time." Edward chuckled. I hit him playfully on the arm, and ow, was he made of stone? I played it out, meaning I wasn't showing the pain I just inflicted on myself, and started up a conversation.

"So what time is it?" I asked genuinely curious. It had to be at least four.

"It is around six thirty." Edward answered.

"Whoa! That late already?" I gasped astonished.

"Yes, it is." Edward chuckled at my childish response, which, of course, caused me to blush.

"Time flies when your having fun."

"It sure does." Edward's whisper sounded as though it had another meaning. I questioned him with my eyes, but he just stood pretending he didn't see me. And really I don't think he knew how frustrating that is. I sighed loudly, on purpose, and followed behind him, yet refusing to look in his direction. Sure this may sound childish but you have never tried to keep your eyes and mind off Edward Cullen's smooth, lean back muscles as he- ah; see?

"Are you mad at me?" Edward asked bewildered, it took all I had not to laugh.

"Yes, yes I am." I stalked off towards the stairs, trying to look as angry as possible, and surprisingly it worked. Edward was after me in a heartbeat, being as silent as ever I had to look in the reflection of the tarnished mirror to see if he was really there, and to my relief he was.

"Would you care to tell me why that is?" He sounded so confused and worried, it was so cute, I had to try not to giggle like a little girl, and blow my cover. I shook my head in a stiff manner that he seemed to take as anger, and not as me trying to suppress my emotions, which was the case. "Why not?" He started to sound frantic, had he never been teased before? I mean he has to have been with his siblings, or was it he didn't know how to handle a girls emotions? Thinking back on all the times I have seen him charm people I was sure that wasn't the case, so was it . . . me? Well sure, I guess no one really knew how to _deal_ with me, put up with me maybe, but not ever get along. Did this mean Edward really had to try at this? It felt so natural to me. I felt a pang in my heart I knew I shouldn't have allowed to be there. It was my fault for expecting anything more.

"Edward, I was just teasing you." I giggled and I was the only one who could detect the false note. I felt so un-honest, but Edward and I were just friends, so there was no need for me to expect more out of our relationship.

"Oh so _you're_ teasing _me_? Isn't tat a little backwards?" Edward chuckled back completely oblivious to my sudden and selfish downcast mood.

"Am I not allowed?" I asked in a somewhat sullen voice, but it was easily taken for my words and not my feelings of before.

"Nope." Edward said lightly while opening the door we had entered in what seemed like minutes ago.

"Hmm, I see." I said walking through the door he held open for my account. "So I have a reason to be angry, then?" Edward followed quickly till he was in front of me opening the car door, which made me feel strangely vulnerable.

"I guess I could let this one slide." Edward pretended to muse as he started to car. The roads were damp with the mist that fell from the skies, but Edward didn't seem to have a problem maneuvering over them. In fact he did so at an incredible speed, and I dared not to glace at how fast we were really going.

The ride home was long, even with Edward's outrageous driving, and this time it was silent. My sullen feelings from before had seeped through and now were shown. I could almost taste Edward's confusion on the matter, but he kept quiet, for which I was grateful. With this long silence I allowed my mind to wander, and what better to think of than Edward?

It was clear at moments he was hiding something, yet he was so kind, and more open to me than anyone. So why did I still want to know his secret? If I was being honest it was because I couldn't keep myself from wanting to know more about him. Every detail was amazing. And I know that no matter what I do I will never stop thinking about it.

Edward got up swiftly out of the car and over to open my door, again. We were already home, well, at my house at least. I stepped out into the cold, not meeting Edward's eyes as I did so, and told Edward a small goodbye. My eyes I knew were filled with guilt for what I was about to do. I was going to have to find Edward's secret.

Hey everybody!! I know this is short I had intended on something much longer since tomorrow I am going to Florida for a week, but I had writers block. But fret none I will try to write when I am away, if I get any free time. I will miss you all! ;}


	17. Chapter 16

_Hello everyone, I know it has been forever and I am truly sorry. When I write now it seems forced and I am only finishing writing this because of all of you because if I was in your shoes I would be so angered if the story stopped here. I hope to get inspiration this next few days at the beach so the story will turn out okay. If this chapter seems bad to you let me know, I will not take it to offense. I just want honesty. BTW this is the longest chapter I have ever written. _

Chapter 16

I never like Sundays, it was just a day to recover from Saturday and prepare for Monday. It felt like just a wasted day, to me at least, since I didn't even go out the night before and stay up late partying, my reason being I had no one to share my night with. Charlie was always at work, and though at times I was lonely in my dark and empty house, I would never complain, for it would burden those close to me.

But today, my Sunday would not be wasted; I had given myself a job to do, finding out Edward's secret, even though I knew I shouldn't pry I couldn't stop myself from trying to find the answer.

Though I could only guess, I believe that Edward's secret was not just his alone, for his family seemed just as far in it as he did. They were all alike, yet so different, personality wise and in looks. Seeming to want to be cut off from every one but each other as though they knew they couldn't really belong anywhere else.

And there were times where I felt as though I should be frightened or as if I was prey, but what could that mean? What I crazy? I mean, surely they would never attack me, surely they were human too, right? Though I could see how they could be, not after all the signs they had shown to make me think otherwise. Signs . . . of course! I grabbed a pen and paper and started on my only lead.

Pale, cold skin

Never eating

Bruises under their eyes

Speed

And all the antiques I had seen yesterday

Plus other things I had yet to explain

The list that lay in front of me was poor, I'll admit, but I would look for more at school tomorrow, it seemed so far away. Giving the list one more look over I placed it on the bedside table. I was a little irritated by the fact that my project had been placed on hold, and that I still knew almost nothing. Getting up with an angry huff, I started to pace the floor in my white socks.

I tried desperately to think of another lead, nearly gnawing off my lip in the process, but I came up blank. The only person who really seemed to know anything about the Cullens was Jessica, but Jessica didn't even know I existed. Ah, this was going to be a long day, by the looks of it. I looked out my window to the familiar raindrops falling from the mix-matched sky, causing the world below to turn a dark, unhealthy grey. It was going to be long _and_ dreary.

Suddenly, I got an idea, and sprinting down the stairs, I went to the coat rack to retrieve my rain-jacket. The one person who had to have all the necessary info was living right here in my house! Charlie, Forks head police chief, all the information had to be passed to him, every little whisper. So now I knew who to go to, but what would be my excuse? Charlie was at work, and I never visited him at work, if I did he would surely now something was up. I looked around in a frantic manner to seek the answer to my question, and my prayers were answered when my eyes fell upon a bag in the kitchen, Charlie's lunch.

"Yes!" I rejoiced as I ran into the kitchen and wrapped my hands around the crinkling brown bag, as if they were beggar's hands. It was then I took time to freeze again, slow down Bella you have all day. I opened the fridge again and prepared a lunch of my own. With that I locked up the house placing the key back under the eave, and walked on the damp ground till I was safe inside the cabin of my truck. I turned the key and was more than ready to go. Thank God I slept till nine, but I would still have to waste time getting to the station.

I could get the groceries while I was out. I turned into the small store that held the food supplies for small little Forks. I walk briskly through the aisles, though I was trying to take my time I couldn't seem to calm down. I wanted to know as much about Edward as soon as I could. As soon as I was done buying ever single thing were could possibly need it was eleven thirteen. If I were to go put everything up it would be lunchtime. I raced home and began the long process.

"There!" I sighed as I shoved the last thing into the cabinet. It was eleven forty-three. By the time I got to Charlie it would be around lunchtime. Things were looking good the rain had even stopped. I could now go to Charlie. The ride to the station was fairly short, I had been here a few times to play when Charlie couldn't leave me at home. I never really liked the place as a child I thought it to be too boring, not that I ever told him, for even as a child I felt I needed to protect him the most I could. It was almost like revisiting the past when I pulled into the small parking place. It was so plain looking. Brown bricks and a dark colored roof made it up, with a simple wooden sign marking the place _Forks Police Station_. I walked slowly to the office-looking door filled with my memories. If nothing, I had them.

As I opened the door, the annoying, electric bell went off causing Mr. Shepard to look up. His face brightened with resignation, and I suddenly felt the rush of my younger self, not that I really ever acted young, come over me.

"Bella, what brings you here? Haven't seen you in a while, you gotten big." I just held up Charlie's lunch with a smirk. Mr. Shepard stifled a laugh, and ushered me around the wall. "Hey guys, look what I found!" He called out to the officers around the table, playing cards.

"Bella!" They all cried in many different tones of surprise, the most evident being Charlie's.

"Charlie," I said in a disapproving tone.

"Bells?" Charlie asked in shock and panic, he knew I wouldn't come out here if I didn't have to.

"You left your lunch, again." I raised an eyebrow and held up the bag in front of his face.

"Really, Charlie, if you are gonna keep leavin' your lunch like that Bells is gonna get the idea you don't like her cookin', ya know." Mr. Shepard joked, slapping him on the back. Charlie blushed as the men whooped and laughed as he took his lunch from me. "Don't worry, Bella, if Charlie doesn't want your food I could sure use some of your cooking!"

"That's okay. I don't think he will leave it again." I smiled sternly at my dad.

"How could I?" He muttered. My smile turned happy.

"Hey, Dad, would you take some time off your horribly busy schedule to eat with your daughter?" I held up my lunch and he looked around at the boys and nodded back to me. _So far so good_, I thought.

"Sure, Bells." Charlie grunted as he stood up. "Alright, now, don't have any fun without me" He looked back down to the officers sitting around the small, plastic, square table, which Mr. Sherman just sat down at.

"Can do, though I would hate to see a hand like yours go to waste," Mr. Sherman slid Charlie's cards into his hands, "I'll just take that." This was all soon followed by objections of the other players, which was quickly drowned out when Charlie and I left the station.

We made our way outside, since it had yielded on rain, and found a small, damp, wooden bench to sit on. Taking our lunches out we began to eat in silence, how was I to start the conversation? The silence lasted for almost ten minutes.

"So . . . how's school treatin' you?" Charlie asked out of the blue and I had to wonder if he was trying this whole time to start talking too.

"Good, though a little hectic with the new students and all." I answer a bit choppily, to my own ears at least.

"Mm, that's right the Cullen kids go to your school now. How they been holding up?" Charlie's question caught me off guard, he never asked about other kids in the school, unless it was about making sure I didn't have a boy.

"Surprisingly well, with all the rumors flying around the campus." I answered honestly. Charlie looked kind of angered by this . . . did he hate the Cullens?

"What kind of rumors?"

"Well since they are all dating and kind of keep to themselves it starts suspicion of all those who wants to date them." I rolled my eyes at such childish actions.

"Hmm, that makes sense."

"Yep, they all are incredibly hansom." I agreed and Charlie snorted.

"You should see the doctor. He has all the nurses' panties in a bunch when he comes walking down the halls. It is rare to have a man with those kinds of looks being so kind, you know? He's rich too." Charlie spoke with admiration, it was clear Charlie was glad he was here.

"Dad, how long have you known the Cullens to be here?" I asked intrigued and a little mad he hadn't mentioned it.

"They were here a few weeks before they showed up at your school, but they kept quiet, not to disturb anyone I guess." Charlie shrugged.

"But that only makes them more of a target." I worried out loud.

"The Cullens are a good family, for people to be talk bad about them is just going to hurt this town later." Charlie spoke harshly. "Dr. Cullen is one of the best doctors this town has ever seen, and we aren't anything but lucky that Mrs. Cullen likes the small towns." It was the longest speech I had ever heard Charlie give with such a passion, I could almost taste his annoyance with the town.

"They are very nice people." I agreed with Charlie in a small voice. To take care of me as they did, they had to be. That is why no matter what they are I will always love them. Charlie looked down at me with a strange look that seemed almost surprised, and I looked away quickly, childishly . . . so he couldn't see the small smile that crossed my lips without permission. "But all I ever hear is the rumors, I wish I could really get to know them." And this time I wasn't walking around anything or lying it was all the truth.

"Well, Bells, all I know is what I have told you and that they came down here from Alaska, both not very populated places." Charlie spoke in an exasperated tone; he didn't know how to end the conversation.

"Hey, Dad," I wanted nothing more than to beg him to find out more, but I couldn't trouble him like that so I bit my tongue. "We've been out here for a while, so you should be getting back. They don't pay you for nothing." I joked, though it was artificial, he would never notice, I did it all the time.

"Yep, I should make sure they are all still alive." Charlie smiled back and grunted as he stood up. "I'll see you tonight, Bells." Charlie said gruffly, trying to be caring.

"Bye, Dad." I said softly back, and then he turned and walked inside. I didn't have a rational reason to feel heartbroken, but when had emotions played by the rules? I walked slowly to my truck and climbed on the rough, aged seats.

On the way home it had started raining, the raindrops forming snake-like patterns along the windows. At least it didn't start raining earlier, I told myself, but I was dreading the walk up to the house. As I parked in the drive, I turned off the engine and I sat. The only noise was the rain and my breathing. I could feel tightening of the pressure in my head, a headache. I needed to hurry and take something or I wouldn't be able to go to school tomorrow. I started to feel sluggish as I walked slowly to the front door. Thank God it was not that bright outside.

I didn't dare turn on any lights as I walked into the cold and dark house; I knew that would only provoke the migraine. I walked directly to the medicine cabinet, and took out two ibuprofens and a glass of water. I shrugged out of my raincoat throwing it on the couch as I walked by, I could start to feel the pain. I needed to lie down before this got any worse.

As I crawled into bed, planning on getting some sleep, I remembered I had yet to do the laundry, cook, and finish the dishes. "Charlie shouldn't suffer because of me." I whispered, getting out of bed.

It was eight when I had finished everything, and by this time my head felt as though my skull was cracking into pieces. Migraines are one of the worst pains I have ever felt. You become immobile. I trudged my way up the stairs wincing at every sound. _Charlie would be home soon_, I thought. Pulling myself onto the bed. I cradled my head in my hands and curled into a ball. Please let this night go by fast.

The night didn't go by fast. Charlie had come home and checked on me, but I just pretended to be sleeping, no need for him to worry. I couldn't even seem to fall asleep before Charlie. I could hear his grumbling snores. I tossed and turned endlessly, and through the night my headache had moved me to tears. My mother always use to tell me "don't cry, it will only get worse", but I couldn't help it. So I cried, till I couldn't cry anymore, till my eyes grew heavy and I fell into a sleep.

My alarm clock went off with a blaring sound. I moaned as the pulsing in my head objected to the sound. My sleep hadn't helped. I knew instantly I couldn't go to school today without throwing up.

"Bells!" Charlie rushed into the room; the only thing he had heard was my moan. "What's wrong?" He panicked, and I would have thought is amusing if the pain wasn't so strong.

"It's just a headache, Cha- Dad. I think I'm going to stay home though." I told him in the calmest voice I could muster.

"Okay, um, do you need anything?" Charlie said uncomfortably, for he hadn't taken care of me in years. I always did pretty well on my own.

"No, I'm fine. I am just going to rest." I told him exhaustedly. "You need to get to work." We both looked at the clock, he should have been in his car already. Charlie sighed. He didn't feel right about going, but we both knew he had to.

"Alright, Bells. I'll see if I can get off early, if you would like, and, um, we can order pizza." To anyone else, Charlie's dry tone and awkward words would have seemed insensitive, but I could hear him trying to comfort me.

"Thanks, Dad, but you don't have to come home early. I'll just be sleeping." I smiled up at him, and he was fooled. There was no need to tell him I would probably be throwing up too.

"Get some sleep, Bells." Those were the last words Charlie said before leaving the house in a hurry. It made sense . . . he was late, but I couldn't help like feeling he was running from me. I was so pathetic. People have much bigger problems than me.

"Ahh" I moaned as the pain lashed out at me. Why did it have to hurt so much? Why couldn't I just have a normal headache? I stood up, slowly, and made my way into the kitchen. Taking three more painkillers, I laid down on the couch.

My day was long, and I could only start to fall asleep, after what seemed like hours on our musty old couch. It was Charlie's car lights through the windows that had awakened me. I sat up lazily to look at the clock. It was already six thirty, and I had been asleep for almost nine hours. In a way this was good, my headache was faded, but now I would have to try to sleep tonight after I had already slept fully.

As Charlie walked in the door the smell of rain breezed past him and into the house, and the most dominate smell was the fresh pizza Charlie carried in hand. I could feel my heart tighten, it wasn't often Charlie went out of his way like this; I guess you could say I felt special for a change. I heard Charlie hang up his belt and huff as he kicked off his shoes, while walking in the room to see me sitting awake.

"Oh! Bells," Charlie sighed and the relief in his voice was evident. He must have been worrying about me all day and I felt happy. "I didn't know if you would be up or not, but I brought home some pizza." Charlie said as he set it down on the table and turned into the kitchen for some plates.

"Thanks, Dad, and why don't we use paper plate instead." I called out as he started pulling two plastic plates and he nodded and grumbled in agreement. Now, Charlie hasn't used the kitchen in so long it would have been asking for a miracle to have him know where anything other than cups and our everyday plates were, so it was quite comical to watch him panic slightly.

After a few minutes of watching him, I got up and walked over to the cabinet to fetch our plates. Charlie watched me with analytical eyes as I pulled two, slim paper plates out and handed them to him. He mumbled a thank you and I offered a smile, and we both sat down at the table to eat in silence. Our diner was short and quiet but not at all awkward. I could clearly hear the sound of soft rain and cascades from outside. It was peaceful tonight.

Charlie got up and shoved the remaining pizza in the fridge and went in the living room to watch the game. So I made my way up the stairs for the night in a feeble attempt to get some rest. Charlie followed soon after but he fell asleep right away. It was a few hours till my worn out body finally let me drift to sleep.

…

It was early morning when I woke, not very surprising since I had slept all day yesterday. Beginning my morning routine, brushing teeth, brushing hair, shower, get dressed, and cook; I started my day of well. In the middle of making Charlie's and my lunches it started to get brighter and brighter and to the point where I looked outside and saw a strange sight for us in Forks. The sun was shining just above the horizon with few clouds in the sky. An involuntary smile crossed my lips.

By the time Charlie had come downstairs, I had finished the lunches and Charlie picked up on my upbeat mood. "It's nice out today, huh?" Charlie smiled at me knowingly.

"It's beautiful." I agreed looking out the window.

Charlie had to leave in a hurry, making sure he got his lunch, leaving me to lock up. I grabbed my backpack and keys and headed out the door, locking it on the way.

Today's weather could actually be called warm, strange for February. I drove with the windows down today, though the air was still bitter. I could feel the icy air burn my cheeks red, yet only to be heated by the rare rays of golden sun. My ride was short and as I parked in the parking lot I noticed how my eyes never rested on the silver car I had been longing to see. The radiant mood I had been in hallowed. Where was he? I walked dejected into the school taking one last look around the small parking area.

I looked for Edward, or any trace of the Cullens, and found nothing. It was not till later in the day that I over heard Jessica's nasally voice say Cullens. Why was she the one who found out everything?

"So I heard that when the weather is, like, sunny and nice the Cullens go camping." Jessica gossiped and for once I was happy she did so. I listened eagerly, seemingly uninterested, as Jessica talked about the things she had found out, but I could only wonder if what she was saying was true or not. Jessica was known to lie for her own benefit, so could I trust what she said now?

Frustration overwhelmed me even as the classes dragged on. It was almost unbearable to be here with out Edward. No one sees me and somewhere in my fondness of Edward I had started to depend on him to be my one outlet. Surely that was thought of as pathetic, right?

The school day passed incredibly sluggishly as I tried to bear through the day, but I had finally made it home. Everything was down hill from there. Charlie came home still worried over my health but we ate in silence and the night grew old. After all my chores I crept up the stairs past the snores and into my room. Slipping on an extra large t-shirt and sweats I climbed into my bed and curled up with my quilt. I had no troubles sleeping after such a boring day. Mentally I was worn out. Soon it would be morning and I could possibly see Edward again. And once again, my dreams were filled with him.


	18. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Being a vampire I had never particularly preferred the sun. Not surprising, I know. The fact I couldn't exactly stand on a street corner without making the cars crash out of shock was kind of a damper on the whole sunshine thing. But right now I didn't just dislike the sun I _loathed_ it.

At this moment I was pacing in my room as anger and disappointment washed through me. It was three in the morning and just moments ago Alice had informed us that we could not go to school on Tuesday. Now, I understand how humans could hate the droning on school days, for I didn't favor them either, but if I couldn't go I wouldn't be able to see Bella. How would I know what she thought of the storage/library I showed her? What about her day? Who would she eat lunch with? I hated these questions. _Damn_ the sun.

"At least you only have today." Alice skipped into my room without knocking or asking. She always just barged in, it was starting to make me angry…or maybe it was because I was already in a foul mood.

"_Uh_," I groaned as I thought about that one, just one, day. "I hate the sun." I grumbled and infuriatingly enough Alice laughed. She _laughed_ at me! First she just invades my room without a care of decency; then she _laughs_ at me? Without knowing I had started a low growl in the back of my throat. Jasper rushed in the room, fearing Alice's safety, and sent me calming waves. I breathed in deeply trying to recover.

"Sorry, Alice, Jasper." I spoke sincerely.

"That's okay! You weren't going to do anything. Jasper just likes to over react." Alice beamed up at me like I had won a prize. Even for the undead this family is odd.

_I wonder what Alice did to make him so angry?_ Jasper thought curiously. _Maybe if I _encourage_ him to tell me_ . . .

"Alice, why don't you and Jasper go shopping?" I suggested smiling sweetly and glancing at Jasper. Jasper's face turned from a shocked horror to a face of betrayal and hatred. Alice's face on the other hand turned happy and hopeful.

I gave Jasper a knowing look and he gave me a classic hand caught in the cookie jar back.

_Stupid mind reader_ . . . Jasper was then dragged out of the room.

Now I was alone.

I needed something, anything to do, and anything without sunlight. Anything other than what I wanted to do. I felt myself pacing quickly across the wooden floor, only to be stopped by a thought.

_Edward_, Esme thought calmingly. As my pacing creased, Esme continued. _Why don't you come down here with me in the garden? _It was something to do, so I took it.

Following Esme down to her garden, I tried to keep my mind numb as possible. It isn't an easy task for a speeding mind. The garden was filled with flowers, of any kind. Esme could make anything grow, it didn't matter the weather. At every home we had Esme made sure there was a little paradise in the lard. It was a calming place, sort of hopeful.

We were picking weeds and sitting silently next to each other, while I thought or tried not to. As I pulled the weeds I tried carefully not to touch any of the flowers, too afraid to hurt them. I worked slowly matching Esme's pace my mood still sour.

"Edward?" Esme called me from reverie. "What's wrong, dear?"

"Nothing, I'm fine." I said in surprise. And here I thought I was doing well to hide my mood. Maybe Esme knows me too well?

"So 'nothing' caused you to sit in silence and mechanically pick weeds?" Esme asked me in her knowing voice filled with kindness. I looked up in resign, glaring at the bright ball in the sky.

"I hate the sun," was all I murmured back. Esme smiled understandingly, and with a smile that knew something I didn't.

"Don't hate the sun, Edward. The sun brings life-"

"And sunburn," I interrupted. Even though I can't ever sunburn it sounded like a good reason to hate the sun, after all it could burn Bell- _Stop it_! I was trying to _not_ think about her. Esme smiled broadened and she continued without commenting.

"It gives life to all things. Take these flowers for example, these daisies." Esme gestured to the patch of flowers I had taken a daisy from and explained how loving Bella was. And suddenly I was happy, shy, and sad all at once. Esme saw all of this.

"Being in love can be confusing." A shock went through me. I . . . was in love? Of course that is what that feeling was. The eyes that hunger for her, the hands that longed to touch her, the lips that ached for hers; I had done a shameless act. How dare I, a vampire, fall for an angel? I recoiled from my stance and swiftly jerked away from the flower that symbolized so much. "Edward-" Esme tried to comfort while stepping towards me.

"Don't!" I screamed at her in panic; somewhere inside me I felt guilt for yelling at Esme but right now that was buried by the other emotions that twisted, raged inside of me. I was at war. The hand that Esme had reached to me curled in a hurt surprise.

"Don't," I repeated in just a breath of a whisper. I could hear the pain and warning in my tone and hated my weakness. I could see myself in Esme's mind, black eyes cold and burning showing a piece of the monster I had inside.

"Edward . . . What did I do?" Esme whispered still in shock and she had the right to be. I acted ruthlessly, selfishly toward her. Where was I slipping to? I _hurt_ her. Once again, all I did was bring pain.

"You . . . You did nothing wrong. It was me that selfishly reacted to your kindness. All you did was enlighten me, as a mother should." I picked my words carefully, and my tone even more carefully. I tried to sound thankful, but my voice sounded dead, lifeless. I knew better than to let Esme see my eyes till I was calm again; I could picture the beast again lurking in them, so I looked to the treetops.

"Enlighten you?" Esme asked quietly, her thoughts filled with fear. _She fears you_, the monster growled at me, _your own_ mother _fears you_. And though I hated to admit it, he was right.

"Yes," I spoke curtly, almost rudely, as my anger had still yet to die down. I walked past Esme to the garden of smiling daisies that taunted me. Leaning down and pulling a single daisy between my unforgiving fingers, I let it drop in my icy palm and continued. "You enlightened me on what cannot grow in the Sun." About how I couldn't live in the sun, about how Bella must live in the sun, and about how it would be a wrong doing of me to make the sun meet the darkest of nights. I stared at the poor flower then slowly let it slip away, just as I would need to do, slip away. "Thank you, Esme, for sharing your time with me." My voice was now kind and defeated. I walked into the house not waiting for a reply.

I knew what I had to do, what I _should_ do. Leave. Save her. Save my Bella. For her I could leave, _would_ leave. It was what was right. Painful as it may be even for only me I knew I could not endanger her soul. If anything in the cruel world could justify its creation it would be Bella and Bella alone. To destroy her would destroy my entire world. _But isn't leaving just the same as destroying your world_, the less noble side of me questioned. No, I could leave her and I would still be barely alive but living. _Living_? Ha, was I living? Was I living or a curse to this Earth? Whenever did I start questioning that? I knew that this world was better off without a murder such as I am. A never-ending monster that was born to torment this world.

_Leave_, I commanded myself. _Keep on track, and don't forget the good you are trying to save_. I had to leave tonight. I ran to my bedroom, packing as quickly as possible. All I needed to do was leave for a few years. I held my chest at the pain that stabbed me there. _Leave, leave, leave_, I chanted. As soon as I had my things, I rushed to the car to drop them off, only to be stopped. Alice was leaning against the side of my Volvo.

_Edward you can't leave_, Alice thought without looking at me. Though it was a demand her voice was small, pleading with me.

"Alice I _need_ to leave." How could I get her to see that? To me it was painstakingly obvious.

"No, you don't, Edward. You really don't." Alice shook her head, and hid her thoughts from me? "This is bigger than just you, Edward."

"Alice what are you not telling me?" I growled she was making this so much harder. How dare she give me hope?

"Edward, I don't think I should-" Alice tried to hide.

"Don't you _dare_, Alice. You know I need to know." I clenched my teeth together. Alice played nervously with the edge of her shirt. I tried to search her mind but she let nothing through. Frustration swept through me. "_Alice_! Do _not_ put me through this. It is hard enough as it is." I pleaded. If tears could fill my eyes they would be at this moment. This _pain_ . . . It was killing me.

"Then don't do it, Edward. Don't put yourself through this." She pleaded back to me.

"Tell me," was all I whispered back to her. My tone took her by surprise and the defenses she had withheld me with fell. I saw Bella and I standing together. Then Alice was on her other side. But this was not what was so terrifying. Bella was paler now with a new grace in her step. And a fear of mine came to life. Her eyes were glistening red.

"NO!" I roared and echoes bounced through the garage. Alice jumped in terror. Jasper ran through the door followed by the rest of my family. "I WILL NOT let that happen!" I screamed at Alice. Jasper was in front of her in a second, and for good reason. I didn't know if I could control myself at this moment.

"Jasper, calm him down," I heard Carlisle speak calmly but his voice held a hint of urgency. Jasper did as he was told and I welcomed the peace he tried to give to me. My quivering breath slowed and my eyes closed as I breathed in the calm.

_What the hell_? Emmett thought clearly shocked by my performance.

_What did Alice see? Well what do I care it probably about that stupid_- I cut off listening to Rosalie right there. If anyone provoked me now I would probably bite his or her head off, preferably hers.

"Edward?" Carlisle called me testing the waters. I nodded a reply without opening my eyes. "Are you alright?" Was _I_ all right? I had nearly snapped at Alice and what I had done in the vision to Bella . . .

"You want to know, if _I'm_ alright?" I turned on Carlisle. He put his hand up calmly in defense.

_Geez, how many people is he going to snap at tonight?_ Emmett thought shocked by my outlandish behavior. He was right. I had snapped at Alice twice today and . . . _Esme_ . . .

I whirled around to face the door and ran as fast as I could back out to the garden. I stopped before the back door and gently placed my hand on the handle. Esme's thoughts were going over our conversation we had been through earlier. Guilt washed through me. Forcing the handle to move under my steel grip, I opened the door, just like ripping of a Band-Aid or so I had heard the expression put, and walked out to join Esme's side.

"Esme?" I was surprised by how childish my voice sounded, like a little boy who had lost his mother. Esme's head swiveled quickly in my direction and without another thought she came running to me. Before I knew it, I was in her arms.

"Edward sweetie, what's wrong?" Esme pulled me in tighter.

"I'm going to kill her. She'll be damned . . .," A sob broke me and this time I pulled Esme closer. My head was rested on hers and I clung to her like she was my only lifeline, if I could ever deserve a lifeline. I clung to her while I was breaking. "I'm a murderer."

"Shh, Edward dear." Esme rubbed my back. "Your not a murderer." Esme tried to convince me, but she was wrong. I am a murderer; that's all I've been since my new birth, no, since my death. I just shook my head against her shoulder. "You aren't, Edward." Esme's voice was stern and unmoving, almost growling at me. What a thing to waste her rage on.

"Esme, how about we take Edward inside and we all talk this out?" Carlisle walked up slowly. His suggestion was calm, but his thoughts were not. _What did Alice see? And why did this make Edward so angry? Is Esme okay?_ I knew he wished me to answer his questions but he knew not to ask quite yet. He would get his answers in time. One thing that divided Carlisle and me was his never-ending patience. He said it was because he had years of practice, but I believe that it is because that is who he is. Carlisle was so pure, purer than I would ever be. Carlisle was a saint, a saint condemned to the life of a demon.

"Edward dear, would you be ok if we went inside?" Esme asked rubbing my back. Taking a deep breath, I stepped back. It gave me comfort to look into my mother's eyes. It was in her eyes that I saw another me that was so pure of sin and evil, I could almost believe. Don't fool yourself. Esme took my hand in hers and squeezed as we walked into the living room. My family was already placed around the comfortable room; waiting for our arrival. The first step into the room I could feel the calm, Jasper created, radiate around me. I took another deep unnecessary breath trying to collect it. I sent Jasper my apology about Alice, and my out of control emotions that must have been affecting him the most. He looked up at me when he felt it and smiled, a sad yet understanding smile, which I returned briefly.

"Now," Carlisle spoke once he took a seat. Esme sat beside him on the long couch; then she looked to me gesturing to the empty space beside her. I shook my head slightly making her frown and her thoughts to wonder what she did. _Is he mad at me?_ Of course she would blame herself. I looked her in the eye and once again I shook my head, but this time I tried to smile for her sake. She nodded back unpleased, yet understanding that I needed my space. "We all need to solve this…as a family" The silence dragged on. Each one thinking of his or her side on the matter, and trying to see an end or even the beginning of what we had come to face with.

"Will someone please just tell me what is going on?" Rosalie snapped when the silence continued.

"Calm down, Rosie." Emmett sighed rolling his eyes at his spouse's anger. Emmett put his hand up in defense when Rosalie turned her glare on him.

"We _do_ need to know." Carlisle said quietly. Everyone turned to look at me, expectant. My jaw clamped tight; there was no way I could say it out loud. I had too much anger to speak.

"Bella will be one of us." Alice announced almost cheerily when I didn't speak up. How in the hell was this a cheery thing? A growl erupted in my chest. "Oh shut up, Edward." Alice said impatiently, as if I was ruining her good moment.

"Cool!" Emmett hollered happily. Rosalie didn't seem to share the emotion. Jasper shared the same emotion with Rosalie than with his wife. Jasper, though, didn't throw me accusing thoughts like Rosalie. Our family was now divided.

"Bella will be one of the family?" Esme smiled at Alice. Great now Esme was crazy too. What made it all the worse was Esme's thoughts were _happy_ for me; glad, I finally found someone. She could have been more wrong.

"She will NOT!" I roared. Everyone looked at me with shocked expressions. "Bella is not going to be messed with, _at all_." I gave Alice a long look making my intentions clear. I would stop this at all costs.

"You don't agree with this?" Esme asked in a small voice, her thoughts trying to understand why. Why I didn't want Bella to be with me forever…but I did. Oh how I long to have her be my side for my eternal existence. No, I couldn't steal her life. That would be worse than death for her. She would lose everything. Her father, mother, and her friends would all be torn from her with one bite. One bite… of that beautiful cream white skin, one bite to taste the pure red fluid like poison tempting me to drink to my own demise.

I put my head in my hands willing to stop the torturing images of my mind. My fingers scrapped viciously at my temples, trying to get my mind on the physical pain. "Edward!" Esme gasped in horror. In half of a second Esme had jumped to me and yanked my arms down from my face. "What are you doing, Edward?" Esme's angelic voice was strained. I sighed closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.

"Nothing, Esme." I looked into her eyes. "I was just trying to forget." Esme's brow creased and she began to open her mouth to speak, but I held up my hand cause her to go silent.

_She will be one of us, Edward_. Alice thought, bringing all my anger back to play. I closed my eyes trying not to think, not to act.

"Alice, _please_." My whisper was strangled, but heard. Eyes looked between Alice and I, knowing there was something they were missing.

"Yes. Alice, _please_ talk out loud!" Rosalie snidely added in. Alice ignored her but talk out loud nonetheless.

"Edward, I've seen it. It will happen, and Bella will be one of us."

"I won't let that happen," I said through clenched teeth. Alice sighed as if talking to a toddler who wouldn't listen.

"And why not? Before you tell me what will happen, why not ask yourself why? Why do you divide your family for this girl?" Alice walked over to me as if she was taller that life, and looked me straight in the eyes.

Why? The question of the hour. Why was I protecting a human? Why was I going against my family to save her life? Sure it was the right thing to do, but was there _more_? Yes. I had known it for a long time. Since the first time I met Bella, I knew. It was like she was the one who decided my fate; she controlled my non-beating heart.

"Why…" I mused out loud. "I think you know." I looked around at my family, each face anticipating my answer. "I think it is clear that I love her." I smiled down at Esme. She had been right. I was in love. I knew if I could cry I would now. My chest ached, my breath faltered, and I felt a pain I had been trying to avoid. I now had to face the fact that I loved the one girl I could never touch. The one girl I would have to watch die. The one girl I would have to lie to for the rest of her limited life. Never before have I craved to be so human than I did now.

My family reaction was not surprising. Rosalie was screaming indecent words at me through her mind. Alice was giddy with some kind of sick excitement. Jasper was just as furious as Rosalie, but his mind wasn't as vulgar. Emmett's was sympathetic, thinking that I had fallen off the rocker and clearly lost any sense I had before. Esme and Carlisle's minds were both worried. They were worried about what I would do, and how it would work out between Bella and I. But I knew it wouldn't work out, it never could.

No one said a word, not out loud at least; but my mind was filled with screaming, joy, worry, and agitating sympathy. I stood with my arms around my torso, and my eyes on the floor, trying my best to tune out the chaos in my head. I had no doubt that this would turn into an argument between everyone, but I could solve this. It wouldn't be easy, but it was all I could do. I turned and walked swiftly up the stairs. I was only at the end of the hall when Esme and Alice reacted to my sudden fleeting.

Esme called, "Edward, where are you going?" the same time Alice screamed "No!" They couldn't stop me. I was going to leave. Once to my room, I closed and locked the door, not that the lock could do anything against them. I was purely business now. I wouldn't let myself think of what I was doing till I was gone. I wouldn't give them a chance to change my mind.

"What's he doing, Alice?" Esme asked frantically as they raced up the stairs.

"He's leaving."

"No…" Esme's voice made my chest ache, but I couldn't stop. I tuned out all of their thoughts.

By the time they had reached my door, I was packed. I didn't need much, just some different clothes for the weather and appearances sake. I didn't know where I was going, and I was planning on thinking about it either. No need to tip of Alice and make this harder on me.

Alice tried the handle, and when it didn't budge she pushed the door. The light, thick wood snapped easily under her touch causing splinters to cover the carpet. I was surprised to see only Alice, Esme, Carlisle, and Rosalie in the doorway as I jumped through the open window.

"Emmett! Jasper!" Alice yelled, and then I knew. Emmett and Jasper where told to stay down here to stop me. If had had looked in Alice's mind I would have known, and she knew I wouldn't look for fear of her trying to stop me with her words. Alice was one step ahead of me, and she did not plan to let me leave. I could see it in her mind. She would drag me back by force.

As soon as I hit the ground I was running. Emmett and Jasper were on my heels the moment I had dove from the window. I was faster than both of them but they were ahead of me. I wouldn't be able to get away. I didn't have time to stop or turn and run another way before Jasper and Emmett had me pinned against the wall.

Emmett's knee pressed into my upper thigh and his left arm held my shoulder against the stone, cold wall. Jasper took my left side pinning my neck and left shoulder. I didn't fight. I felt myself go limp my eyes slid closed and my head fell forward against Jaspers arm.

I didn't want to fight, and I knew it wasn't just because I didn't want to hurt my family.

"Stop!" Esme shrieked in total horror of her children slaving one another. "Please, just stop! Let Edward go!" Esme was on the ground now pulling at Jasper and Emmett. She was shaking with tearless sobs. Slowly Emmett let go, but Jasper was a little hesitant. His thoughts battled each other trying to feel if I would run off, and I tried to feel the same. All I felt was numbness. It was like I couldn't believe the world around me was real. Was it?

"What the hell?" Rosalie's oh so familiar rage was heard as she walked on scene. I could see what she saw through her mind. I was limp- dead looking. She focused in on Esme's weeping figure and Jasper's strong hold. "Let the [enter a foul word with the meaning of moron] go! Now, Jasper!" And he did the worst thing he could have done to me- he listened.

I wanted to scream at him. I felt angry, and unjustly so. Jasper did what he thought was right. He couldn't have been more wrong. Jasper turned swiftly back to me when he felt my hostility.

"Edward?" He asked in alarm.

"Could you please . . . hold me back?" My plea sounded more like a threat. Jasper didn't ask any questions as he leaped back to my side. We stayed like that for moments as I tried my hardest to get in control and block out the thoughts of my brothers, sisters, and my parents.

I was in love. I was her danger. I was more alive inside than I have ever been. I was dying more inside with every moment. How unfair could life be to me? I realized quickly that I couldn't leave. I was not strong enough, and I never would be.

How strange that saw myself as weak for the first time because of one of the most fragile human being on the Earth. She was truly incredible.

I couldn't even go a day with out her with out going crazy. How could I do the lifetime with out her, then even longer? No, I wouldn't make it.

"Jasper, you can let go of me now. I deeply apologize to all of you for how I have acted." I turned to each one of my family members. "Now I have somewhere to be."

A smile touched my lips when I thought of the window I would soon be visiting. I ran off without waiting for a reply.

"Hey, do you think we should let him go?" Emmett questioned Alice.

"Yes. He is just on his way to see Bella." Alice's voice smiled.


End file.
